


change in pressure

by viscrael



Series: empath au [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (b/c kags is a v angsty teenager), Empath, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Trans Hinata, Trans Male Character, empath au, gay emotions, hinata is a clumsy boy, hinata is literal sunshine, kags gets pissed @ him for being clumsy, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 04:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3714913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscrael/pseuds/viscrael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama couldn’t for the life of him guess what he’d been doing to get so goddamn beat up, but it was there, and the guy wasn’t even taking care of any of it. The pain was making it hard to concentrate during class, making it hard to think at all, and that plus the boy’s overenthusiastic emotions were putting Kageyama in a particularly sour mood, so he really couldn’t be blamed when he snapped something sarcastic at the teacher and got detention in response.</p>
<p>alternatively titled: in which kageyama, an empath whos still just as socially inept as ever, ends up having a gay crisis because hinata cant stop getting hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. broken veins

**Author's Note:**

> i rlly like empath aus? (in this its not like. the normal definition of an empath tho, b/c im p sure that irl its just emotions whereas in this its emotions + physical pain)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: i went back and changed it so that kags was in middle school when he quit volleyball, not halfway thru his first year of high school

Being an empath wasn’t exactly a particularly _fun_ experience, so to say; most of the time, it was pretty all right. Bearable, at least. Easy to ignore if he tried enough. But there were times when Kageyama physically _couldn’t_ ignore it, no matter how hard he tried to, and a few of those times included during major sports events—or, rather, any place that happened to be prone to injuries.

And that was the worst part about his stupid ability or whatever—sports were painful. Kageyama wasn’t really a clumsy person, and he tended to avoid getting hurt himself most of the time. But other people weren’t as lucky, and he ended up taking the blows for them more often than not. It was easy to ignore, at first, when he was younger because younger kids didn’t break bones and get concussions as often as higher school-level volleyball players did, so he could deal with the occasional scraped knee or bruised arm that came with the territory of playing any sport.

But as he moved into middle school volleyball, it got worse, especially around the third years. He wasn’t just dealing with the team’s occasional bruise or fall; he was dealing with the reckless way they all pushed themselves, to the point of passing out, running until their legs felt like they were going to give in, reaching and tumbling head first for receives as often as possible, trying to get stronger and stronger and making Kageyama weaker in result. It wasn’t that he was weak to begin with, really. But the weight of everyone’s injuries, exhaustion, broken bones and bruise-covered bodies—the collective weight of 25 teenagers' and kids' negligent attitude and desire to win was heavy, heavy, heavy, and there was only so much a 14 year old boy’s body could put up with until he passed out in the middle of practice and ended up in the hospital.

The doctors were baffled by his lack of physical injury despite the pain he had so obviously been in. Once he’d left the vicinity of his teammates, the pain had died down considerably, and they’d let him go home within two days. When he gotten home, he could feel his mother, whom he’d inherited his (completely useless) ability from, radiating anger—and he was pretty sure he would’ve been able to even without his power.

She yelled at him for a good while, telling him off because why didn’t he _tell_ her he was in so much pain from practice? He’d promised it wasn’t that bad! And he should’ve stopped when it got worse!

Kageyama knew that once she found out how painful it actually was, she would make him quit the team, which was something he never wanted to do. And he was right in this assumption because a week later, he was forced to resign with some excuse about his mother worrying about him—not the truth but not a lie anyway. It was ten times more painful than anything he’d gone through during practices.

So Kageyama spent the rest of his third year in middle school, as well as his first in high school, sulking and withdrawing even more than he already had been. He’d never been particularly good at making friends, and he wasn’t friends with any of his teammates to begin with, but at least it had been an excuse to not be alone all the time. The one thing he looked forward to—volleyball—had been taken away because of his _stupid_ power, and he didn’t even have anyone to talk to about it because his parents made him promise he wouldn’t tell anyone.

Not. That there was anyone to tell. As mentioned, he wasn’t good at relationships. He could sense what people thought of him most of the time—fleeting feelings of fear or annoyance or dread or hatred. People didn’t like him. His teammates, for the most part, hadn’t liked him, and he’d never needed to feel that to know it. They told him more often than not, especially the other first years, but he’d always been able to deal with it because he could feel jealousy laced in there somewhere between all the hatred and anger that was sent his way, something green buried deep under sharp glares and sharper words.

But whatever, he thought dismissively. They didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t their teammate any longer, so it would only been good for them. He’d felt their relief when he resigned, their happiness on his last day when he’d gathered his things and left finally. The excitement of his absence only served to make him isolate himself further.

(Not that he would ever admit that to anyone, of course.)

Class was a lot easier than practice had been. Most kids didn’t come to class banged up or hurt horribly, and if they did, it was usually only one or two kids, overenthusiastic in their after school activities and oblivious to their peer’s distress in response.

Except…for this _one_ _kid_.

There was this _one damn kid_ in Kageyama’s Algebra class who walked in every day with new bruises, aching limbs, and a smile much too bright for someone who was banged up so badly, all red hair and an overly eager personality. It didn’t help that he happened to sit right next to Kageyama due to their teacher’s assigned seating arrangements; the pain got worse whenever the redhead was near, and he could feel him much too heavily to be normal. Kageyama could feel too much excitement, too much optimism, too much happiness for the average person.

And it was _annoying_.

One day, the boy came into class more hurt than usual. Like, _way_ more hurt. Kageyama couldn’t for the life of him guess what the fuck he’d been doing to get so goddamn beat up, but it was there, and the guy _wasn’t even taking care of any of it._ The pain was making it hard to concentrate during class, making it hard to think at all, and that plus the boy’s overenthusiastic emotions were putting Kageyama in a particularly sour mood, so he really couldn’t be blamed when he snapped something sarcastic at the teacher and got detention in response.

He glared at his desk, knowing already the look his mother would give him when she found out, blaming the boy next to him more than anything, because this could’ve been avoided if he’d just _taken care of himself, goddammit_ —

The day passed and the pain subsided as he sulked from class to class, already dreading the trip home after detention. The end of the day found him sitting in the middle of an empty Biology classroom, already trying to get comfortable, getting his headphones out and leaning back in his seat as he waited for the teacher. The end of the day _also_ found him with his mood dropping remarkably as a particular redhead entered the room and sat down a few desks over.

Oh good lord.

No other students showed up, and a few minutes later, the teacher entered, setting his things down and saying something halfheartedly about no phones, no talking, he’d be a few rooms down and would check back in regularly, so they better not try anything. Kageyama silently thanked him for the distraction against the pain that was hitting his shins, back, arms, stomach (literally what the fuck) like needles now.

He was gritting his teeth by the time the half hour point had passed, the redhead completely ignorant to the situation the other was struggling with. Occasionally, he would glance at him and Kageyama would sense something like interest, curiosity maybe, and a little bit of fear when Kageyama glanced back, but he couldn’t be bothered to worry about that when he was clenching his fists so hard he was afraid he’d break skin. The redhead was still just sitting there, swinging his legs back and forth in his chair, looking like he was only pretending to do his homework.

“That’s it,” Kageyama announced suddenly once he’d taken all he could handle, standing up abruptly and nearly knocking his chair over. The redhead jumped and snapped his head over to him, a moment of fear flashing before it returned to confusion and a vague sense of anxiety. “We’re going to the nurse.”

“Huh?”

Kageyama didn’t have time to notice the weirdly cute head tilt he’d make whenever he was confused because he was already yanking him from his chair a little harsher than necessary, the pain unfortunately increasing while the two made contact. He figured it was necessary to get him to follow, though, so he grit his teeth worse and put up with it for the sake of tugging him along behind him as they strode out the door.

“What’s going on?” the redhead demanded, too loud. Kageyama shushed him.

“Dumbass, don’t be so loud! The teacher’ll hear and come back to check on us,” he scolded, not looking at him as he scowled at the hallway in front of him.

The boy struggled until he was able to wiggle out of Kageyama’s grasp. “What the _fuck_?!” he blurted, and Kageyama felt something like embarrassment for a moment before panic.

“Nurse’s office,” Kageyama offered in explanation, itching to get there already so he would _stop hurting so damn bad_. When he only received a blink in response, he sighed in exasperation and elaborated, “I’m taking you to the nurse’s office.”

“Why?”

Kageyama’s eyelid twitched. He was struggling to keep his cool; he could already feel a migraine starting to form from the pain he’d been in. “Because you’re beat up as fuck.”

Another blink—confusion, then defensiveness. “Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Not.”

“Oh my _god_ , I’m _not_ doing this with you right now, just come on!” He turned back around and started marching down the hallway, hearing reluctant footsteps following behind him and assuming it was the boy. He was still in pain, so he figured the other was still there.

It only took a minute to get on the down floor and find the nurse’s office—which was completely empty. Kageyama cursed loudly and began rummaging around drawers to find some sort of First Aid Kit, and once he’d found one, he tossed it to the boy and ordered him to sit somewhere and start cleaning out his cuts, seriously, they were going to get infected if they stayed like that.

The boy bristled but did as he was told anyway. “I knew that,” he mumbled. Kageyama rolled his eyes and went to find a bag of ice.

Once he’d gotten back into the room, arms now full of ice and paper towels, the boy was nearly done cleaning out the ones on his knees, wincing as he did so, and Kageyama winced with him, unintentionally focusing his senses on what the other was feeling. Annoyance, sort of. Nervousness. Confusion. Thankfulness. But no fear anymore, or panic. So that was good. Probably.

“Here.” Kageyama sat next to him on the bench, setting a bag of ice between the two. The redhead picked it up and pressed it to a particularly large bruise on his arm, nodding in thanks as Kageyama cleaned up what mess they’d made for him.

“How’d you know that I was hurt?”

The question caught Kageyama off guard—although he figured it was something he should’ve been preparing for, at least something that should’ve crossed his mind. But it hadn’t, because at the time he’d been so focused on getting the damn pain to stop that he’d not thought about an excuse.

So he was left floundering for a response for a moment, opening and closing his mouth like a fish and feeling the curiosity radiating off the boy next to him. Finally, he blurted out, “What’s your name?”

“Hinata.” There was that smile again. “What’s yours?”

“Kageyama.” He avoided eye contact for a moment, pretending to be busy rolling the unused bag of ice up and closing the First Aid kit. “Ice that bruise once you get home, too,” he advised.

Hinata huffed quietly. “I’m not stupid, you know. I know how to take care of a dumb bruise. Besides, it wasn’t even that big of a deal, so I don’t know why you were so freaked out about it. I mean, I’ve had worse.”

Kageyama opened his mouth to respond with something like, _Yeah, but you’re not the one dealing with that plus_ literally _everyone else’s,_ before remembering that he couldn’t say something like that. “…Whatever.”

Hinata's voice was its normal level of overly enthusiastic, but Kageyama could feel his lingering panic. “Oh, and you never answered my question! How’d you know I was hurt? I mean, I guess you can see some of the bruises, but you couldn’t see my scraped up knee ‘cause of the uniform pants, so how’d you know to get the First Aid kit? Also, you better realize that we’re both gonna be in a lotta trouble if that guy ge—“

“Yeah, okay, geez, I get it, you don’t want us getting in trouble. Fine. We’ll head back soon, there’s nothing to freak out about, stupid.”

Hianta squinted. “How’d you know I was freaking out?”

“Um.” Kageyama was starting to look like a fish again. Damn his inability to think ahead of time.

“And the thing I said before that—answer me! I wanna know! Can you see the future or something?”

“Dumbass, how would seeing the future help anyone with that? You already have the bruises!”

To Kageyama’s surprise, the smaller actually laughed a little, a shock of amusement overcoming the confusion and skepticism that Kageyama’d been sensing for the past few minutes the conversation had been going on. “Okay then, Mister I Know Everything, if you can’t see the future how’d you know? I didn’t even know your name until just now!”

After a brief scowl-off between the two, Kageyama finally huffed and looked away, blowing a piece of hair from his face and already feeling himself regretting this decision. “You’re really annoying.”

“Hey!”

“I’m an empath.”

For the second time, Kageyama was surprised by the reaction Hinata provided, which happened to be a few blinks and the tilt of his head. “Huh?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

His cheeks heated up. “Sorry for not knowing what that means, Bakageyama—“

“ _Bakageyama_?”

The embarrassment was replaced by a sense of pride, apparently in his word choice, but he seemed to swallow it in favor of demanding, “Tell me what it means.”

“Ugh,” Kageyama rolled his eyes. “It means that when someone gets hurt, I can feel it.”

There was silence for a good two seconds before Hinata gasped, apparently in recognition. “No way! You've got like, super powers? That’s so cool!”

Kageyama felt his own cheeks heat up. He didn't think the "super" deserved to be there, anyway. It was mostly a (literal) pain in the ass. He stood up abruptly and picked the First Aid kit up to put back away, busying himself. “Yeah, well, it’s less cool when you come to class fucking _covered_ in injuries!” He snapped.

“So _that’s_ why you were glaring at me all day,” Hinata mused in realization.

“Yes, so if you could try to not be such a dumbass and get hurt every two seconds, that would be great. And what do you even _do_ to get hurt that much?” The darker haired boy shoved the kit back in a drawer and threw some now-damp paper towels away, half hoping to leave and avoid the rest of the conversation.

Hinata perked up immediately, realization to passion and excitement. “I’m on the volleyball team!”

Kageyama stilled where he was throwing something away.

 _Oh_.

“Oh,” he voiced.

Hinata made a noise in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Kageyama said, probably a bit too quickly. “Let’s get back to detention before the teacher realizes we’re gone.”

“You’re upset about something,” Hinata commented, sounding nonchalant but radiating a tinge of worry and curiosity as the two began to head back upstairs. “Do you not like that I play volleyball?”

“No, it’s nothing. Just drop it.”

Hinata narrowed his eyes at the taller of the two, the image of suspicion while he set his hands on his hips and said, carefully, “Whatever you say, Bakageyama.”

“Oh my god.”

He only received a snicker in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmmmmight make this a series? give me ur opinions on that if u will. i jst rlyl luv empath kags


	2. we'll bleed the same way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Funny how Kageyama had lived his whole life being able to feel people’s emotions yet he had never learned how to predict them.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i guess im continuing this now? shrugging. idk. theres not much of a plot so it may just end up being lil snippets w/i this verse but ive got gross sappy kagehina things planned out already so if anything yallve got that to look foward to [tango emoji]

Unfortunately for Kageyama, Hinata didn’t leave him alone after that. In fact, he seemed to start trying to be the literal _biggest_ nuisance Kageyama had ever had the displeasure of encountering.

The two already sat together in Algebra, so it wasn’t much of a hassle for Hinata to lean over and (attempt to) whisper something about…anything. He was particularly good at having one-sided conversations about seemingly nothing, little snippets of things that Kageyama was embarrassed to admit he remembered later, things like something his baby sister had done that morning or dogs he’d met at the animal shelter he sometimes visited on his way home or his new shoes he bought for volleyball the other day.

Most of the time, he told him to shut up because they were supposed to be taking notes. It worked if the teacher was coming their way, but otherwise, Hinata usually plowed on regardless, pretty much talking to himself at that point. Kageyama learned to sigh and put up with it; the redhead wasn’t fazed by much.

Algebra was bearable, even though it was twenty times more annoying after that. The real issue started when Hinata suddenly started showing interest in interacting with him out _side_ of that class. That…didn’t happen very often, to say the least—people talking to Kageyama outside of class, that is. People tended to avoid him if they could.

Kageyama told him that was mostly the reason he didn’t yell at the guy to leave him alone; he didn’t have anyone else who’d bother him, after all. Plus, to be fair, Hinata _had_ started coming to class with fewer injuries, so that aspect of Kageyama’s life was just a bit better, even if everything else suffered for it.

The two of them were supposed to be doing some in-class work sheet one day when Hinata suddenly turned around to look at the other, hands gripping the back of his seat and swinging his legs over to straddle the back of it.

“Have you been hurting less?” He asked.

Kageyama looked up from his untouched sheet, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“Your…thing,” Hinata tried to elaborate, flailing his hands around in vague motions while he talked and failing miserably to be anymore articulate.

“…I’ll repeat that again: _what_?”

He huffed. The hand movement increased. “I’ve been trying to not get hurt as much during volleyball practice, so I wanted to know if that was, like, affecting you. You know, making it hurt less.”

“Oh.” Kageyama scratched his cheek and looked away. “Yeah, um. It’s been better, I guess.” He suddenly stiffened and narrowed his eyes at his paper. “But it still hurts the worst when I’m with you, even if it’s less than before.”

Hinata stuck his tongue out at him. “You’re so mean, Bakageyama. Here I am, trying my hardest to make it better—”

“Yeah, well, you’re doing a shit job at it.”

“Point in case!”

“The saying is ‘case in point,’ dumbass!”

Hinata radiated embarrassment but responded casually, “Did I stutter?”

It was then that the teacher decided to take notice of their lack of productivity, so Hinata was forced to turn back around in his seat and (pretend to) finish his class work. Still, when Kageyama kicked the back of his chair, Hinata made sure to “accidentally” knock the other’s pencil onto the floor when stretching.

Most of the following couple of weeks continued like that—with Hinata not very subtly shoving himself into Kageyama’s life until it couldn’t be ignored. He talked a lot about his sister and volleyball, and asked a lot about Kageyama. Mostly about him being an empath, though.

Hinata’s curiosity never ran short, and his questions never stopped coming. In fact, the more he asked, the more he seemed to want to know. He emitted awe and interest whenever the subject was brought up (by himself), and Kageyama sort of had to admit that it was nice to have a positive emotion associated with him for once, instead of the constant dislike and distrust.

Almost all of the questions asked were about the logistics of it; he seemed very interested in what-if types of scenarios, and asked those most days. “At what point can you, like…feel someone? Like how close do they have to be and how far away before you stop? Can you control it? What if you’re at, like, a HUGE event like a big wedding or a concert or something and there’s a bunch of people in one place, who do you feel? Is it like, everyone or one person? Can you zone in on a person or a few or what?”

On one such day, Hinata had somehow annoyed Kageyama enough for him to agree to eating lunch with the overly bubbly teenager, and they were sitting down when Hinata wouldn’t stop with the questions.

“I’m seriously regretting telling you,” Kageyama commented in between the redhead taking a breath.

He pouted and shoved some of his bento in his mouth. He spoke around chewing, “Oh, c’mon, Kageyama, you’re never any fun!”

“I’m fun.” It sounded like a lie even to him.

The smaller swallowed his food and raised an eyebrow. They shared eye contact for a good few seconds before Kageyama relented defensively, “Sorry if I’m not much _fun_ when you’re getting on my nerves every damn second!”

To his surprise, Hinata laughed, and the taller felt no scorn or ill-will in the way that he emphasized, “ _Point_ in _case_!” before sticking his tongue out and shoving another bite into his mouth.

There were a few occasions where Kageyama actually answered the many inquiries thrown his way, usually when the two of them weren’t near other people and therefore not in danger of being overheard. It was always with a sigh, forced or otherwise, pinching the bridge of his nose already as he agreed to answer _one_ of his questions if it would just get Hinata to _shut up_ for _one second, goddammit_.

Hinata nodded enthusiastically, radiating impatience and excitement, body language matching it as he rocked on his toes. His brown eyes seemed to light up at the prospect of finding out more, and the one question he chose to have answered was, “What’s it like?”

It threw Kageyama off guard. He’d been expecting something random, irrelevant, something only Hinata could come up with and care enough to bother asking—something not… _that._

“Um,” he said. “I…it’s…fine?”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant, stupid. Like, how is it, how does it feel, is it weird? Do you like it? Is—“

“I said _one_ question, dumbass!”

“That _was_ one question,” Hinata insisted, crossing his arms defiantly. “I was just explaining it for you.”

It was Kageyama’s turn to roll his eyes. “Fine, whatever. It’s…it’s just normal, I guess. Normal for me. I don’t know. It’s not like I haven’t lived my whole life with it, so I’m used to it.”

Not for the first time that day, Hinata surprised him by simply nodding, radiating a more serious emotion suddenly. “Do you like it?”

“…I said _one_ question.”

He huffed and blew a tuft of orange hair out of his eye. “Fiiine, be that way. I’ll just have to ask later.”

“Sure,” Kageyama replied, only half listening, because he was suddenly too busy paying attention to the way he could feel Hinata’s emotions shifting erratically, almost all of them unexpected.

(Funny how Kageyama had lived his whole life being able to feel people’s emotions yet he had never learend how to predict them.)

After a moment, Hinata seemed to plateau on satisfied, turning to him and offering a small grin before expertly stealing a meat bun from Kageyama’s hand and darting away before the taller could grab him.

He laughed, taking a bite of it as he evaded Kageyama’s attempts to get it back, but there wasn’t his normal enthusiasm in his laugh or emotions. It felt stiff somehow; forced. Unnatural.

Kageyama decided he hated it.


	3. living in a house with just three walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Have Sho-chan over sometime, will you? I'd love to meet him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its gonna go more into depth abt kags' family life b/c i like messin arnd w/ all those fun things. also first glimpse of hinata hinting at being gay af for kags whoop whoop. double also: 2 new charries in one chapter?? crazy amirite
> 
> thank u to anyone who left kudos or comments!!! i luv them so much :') i try to reply to as many comments as i can but if i dont kno that i still luv u for leaving it <33

It was a few days later when Kageyama was sitting down with his mother for dinner when he felt eyes watching him, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

He looked up, feeling self conscious already with the smug aura she was giving off. “What?” he asked between a mouthful of take out food.

“You’ve been feeling better recently,” she stated. That was the annoying thing about having an empath for a mom; you couldn’t hide anything from her, let alone your emotions. Kageyama stiffened slightly in his seat and swallowed his bite.

“…So?” he mumbled, picking at his food.

“Have you made a friend at school?”

His mood change was the only answer she needed; her smile widened, and she took a bite of her own food, looking even smugger than originally. She spoke between her food, “What’s their name?”

“You're talking with your mouth full,” Kageyama halfheartedly chastised her, and she gave him a look like _don’t be rude to your mother._ He would’ve willed his cheeks to stop heating up if not for the fact she could feel it anyway.

After a long moment of her looking at him expectantly and him purposefully avoiding eye contact, he sighed and relented, “He’s _not_ my _friend_.”

“But you want him to be,” she said before taking a sip of her drink.

“Why would I ever want that? He’s so obnoxious!” He tried to defend himself, probably louder than necessary, and maybe just a little too excessively. She nodded in understanding, urging him to continue. “And besides, I didn’t even ask to hang around with him, he just started doing that by himself, and it sucks because he gets injured like every two fu— _freaking_ seconds,” he was quick to correct himself, “so I have to deal with his weird overenthusiasm _and_ his constant injuries!”

“Sounds like you really don’t like this guy,” she commented, setting her glass down and folding her hands to show she was fully engaged in the conversation.

Kageyama scoffed. “Of course I don’t. He’s too loud and never shuts up about…everything.” He frowned at his plate. “It’s annoying.”

She laughed. “I can see that. You’re practically oozing frustration.”

“Good to know.”

“Considering how much you don’t seem to like him, you sure are seeming a lot more positive now.”

He blinked and narrowed his eyes at his mother, unsure of what she was getting at. “Of course I am. That always happens when I vent.”

A hum in response. “Sure.”

“What are you…?”

“Nothing, nothing!” She stood up, taking her bowl and putting it in the sink. “I’m just saying, for someone who’s only thus far been annoyed at this boy being around, you _do_ seem to be in an awfully good mood.”

“I’m always like this.”

She glanced at her son over her shoulder, a small smile playing on her lips. “Tobio, I’m your mother. I’ve lived with you the entirety of your fifteen years of life, and I know for a fact that, especially since…you know…you’ve not been in this good of a mood in a long time. All I’m asking is that you tell him thank you from me.”

His face felt uncomfortably hot. “Why?”

“Because I can’t be there myself to thank him for helping my son.” She smiled brightly, and for a moment it reminded Kageyama of said boy, the way it was unhindered and honest. “What’s his name?”

“Um. Hinata.”

“First?”

“…Shouyou.”

“Have Sho-chan over sometime, will you?” She finished washing her dishes and turned back around, grabbing a dishtowel and wiping her hands off. “I’d love to meet him.”

Kageyama crossed his arms defensively. “I’m _not_ having him over. We’re not even friends.”

“Sure.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“Of course not, Tobio-chan,” she said with that same smile, putting the towel back and coming to give her son a small hug. “I have some school work to catch up, and you probably do too. I’ll be in my room if you need me, alright?”

“Alright.” Kageyama watched her go up the stairs, feeling like he’d been beat somehow, before taking his own dishes and washing them. He was so lost in thought he almost didn’t notice the water beginning to over flow. He went to bed in a daze, having not done any of his homework.

The next day found him wishing he _had_ done that homework, because the teacher decided it would be the _one_ day that she actually would check if anyone had done it. And, since he didn’t have it, he got a zero. He put his head in his hands in defeat, already feeling his grade dropping.

While the teacher was busy checking the other students, Hinata turned around in his seat to look at Kageyama, that stupidly innocent expression on as he asked, “You didn’t do it?”

“I forgot,” Kageyama snapped defensively, recalling the events the night before and feeling his face heat up.

He felt Hinata’s confusion before hearing it in the way he said, “How come? Don’t you, like, always do your homework and whatever?”

Kageyama looked away. “….Not really…”

“Wait, are you saying that—“

“Don’t sound so smug, dumbass!”

Hinata laughed, loud and full. “Well, you’d feel it anyway, wouldn’t you? Besides, that just means we’re equal on something! My grades in this class are horrible.”

“I thought your grades in all your classes were horrible.”

He pouted, looking offended. “Just because it’s true doesn’t mean—“

“ _Hinata_!”

“Yes!” He spun around in his chair to face the front of the classroom, where the teacher was looking expectant with her arms crossed, glaring directly at the redhead and radiating anger. Kageyama hoped he wouldn’t get in trouble too; she was really scary when she was mad, especially because of how sweet she usually was. Plus, it would be his second detention that semester; his mother wouldn’t be too pleased.

“If you’re done chatting with Kageyama-kun, maybe you would like to pay attention?”

He nodded, deflating, but Kageyama felt no remorse or embarrassment when he lowered his head and answered a quiet, “Yes. Sorry, ma’am.”

After algebra was lunch, and Hinata went through his normal routine of dragging Kageyama from the classroom and out into the courtyard, where they could sit and not be bothered by anyone else. Why he always bothered with that, Kageyama didn’t know, but to be fair, he couldn’t figure out why he hung around him in the first place.

His mind was still on the conversation from the night before when Hinata sat down on the picnic table they usually sat out, already taking his bento out from his backpack and setting it on the table. He was taking his first bite when he realized Kageyama was still standing, looking a bit lost.

“Kageyama? Are you gonna eat your lunch or…?”

That seemed to snap him out of his reverie, because he blinked twice and sat down at the table, hurrying to get his own lunch out and seem at least a little normal.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, looking down. Hinata shifted and Kageyama winced; he’d fallen an awful lot in practice that week and was apparently sore…everywhere. Still, he ate his lunch, half listening to Hinata prattle on about something or another, half thinking about the quiz he knew he’d failed in biology.

“Hinata-kun!” A voice called from the duo’s left; Hinata’s head snapped up and his face split into a wide grin.

“Suga-san!” He exclaimed, pushing up from the table with more force than necessary and waving far too enthusiastically to his senpai, although Kageyama didn’t understand why he needed to stand up to do that.

An upperclassman with silver-blonde hair trotted over, volleyball under his arm and a pleasant smile on his face. He waved at Hinata, and Kageyama felt nothing but fondness from him, although it seemed more parental than anything.

“Hey, Hinata-kun!” he said again, glancing between the redhead and Kageyama, feeling confused. After a second, his face lit up with recognition, and he turned to Hinata. “Is _this_ the boy you were—“

“This is Kageyama-kun!” Hinata interrupted a bit too loudly, gesturing to said boy. Even if Kageyama weren’t able to feel the embarrassment all but oozing from him, he was sure the red covering his face would definitely give it away. After a moment, he seemed to compose himself, turning to Kageyama and gesturing to their senpai. “And this is Sugawara! He’s the setter I was telling you about!”

Kageyama nodded, pretending to remember any of the names that Hinata had prattled off during any of the times he’d chattered on a mile a second about his team. “Nice to meet you,” he said to Sugawara, a bit stiffly.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Kageyama-kun,” Suga said, both sounding and feeling sincere in it, and Kageyama blinked. He was the second person that had seemed genuinely honest right off the bat.

“What are you doing in the courtyard, Suga-san?” Hinata asked, doing that thing he did where he tilted his head. The silver-haired boy gave a small laugh, clear like bells.

“I was supposed to be helping Noya-kun practice, but him and Tanaka seemed to have disappeared into their own world now. Would you want to practice with me?”

Kageyama felt his heart drop into his throat, though he wasn’t sure why.

“Oh,” Hinata blinked, before biting his lip and glancing at Kageyama, who felt his indecisiveness. “Um…”

“It’s fine,” Kageyama mumbled, already beginning to stand up and suddenly feeling like he was going to be sick. “You can…go practice with Sugawara-san.”

“Would you like to join us, Kageyama-kun?”

The question stopped him in his tracks. “What?”

“Didn’t you used to play volleyball?” Sugawara-san asked, looking innocent, although he radiated a smug sort of knowingness, like he knew it was an offer the other couldn’t refuse. “I saw you play in a game last year. You were really good.”

“I, um,” he fumbled for words, but didn’t have to for long before Hinata jumped in.

“You play volleyball?!” He all but screamed, that same sense of wonder and awe coming back like it often did when he learned anything new about the other. Kageyama flinched away slightly, defensive.

“ _Played_ ,” he corrected, trying not to sound bitter. “Past tense. I don’t anymore.”

“Oh.” Suga frowned, shifting the ball under his arm. “That’s too bad.”

Unfortunately, Hinata wasn’t the same for tact. “How come you don’t play anymore?” He asked, all raw energy and curiosity and blinding interest that left the taller feeling a bit self-conscious, like he was being analyzed.

“….It’s none of your business, idiot,” he settled on answering.

“Aww! _C’mon_ , Kagey—“

“No, no, he’s right, it’s not our business,” Sugawara put a hand in front of the smaller to keep him from getting anymore in Kageyama’s space. “Maybe some other time?” He offered with a smile.

Kageyama nodded, knowing that there probably wouldn’t be another time, and somehow feeling sad because of it. “Sure. Another time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *distant whispering* gaaaayy
> 
> next chapter: idk more family stuff maybe? and possibly hinata getting his many a question abt kags powers answered. send suggestions if u have any [tango emoji]


	4. assume i'll stay the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why didn't you tell me you used to play volleyball?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am a well oiled hecking machine rn, spittin out chapter after chapter of vague nonsense feat. gay boys and no plot. also i always write at like 11 pm and i dont catch any mistakes i make until the next morning so like. forgive me for those

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me you used to play volleyball?”

Kageyama sighed, wishing he could avoid the conversation but knowing Hinata would be too persistent to let it go. “Didn’t come up,” he answered.

“Didn’t come up? What do you MEAN it ‘didn’t come up’? I talk about volleyball _all_ _the_ _time_ and you’ve never _once_ mentioned playing it!” Hinata’s voice was way too loud for this early in the morning; Kageyama wasn’t even in class yet and he could already feel himself getting a bad headache (not that that was unusual, but still).

“Okay, well, then I didn’t feel like telling you!” He snapped, his hands tightening around the strap of his bag, but his resolve wavered when he felt the way Hinata’s emotions flared up—or, a better way to put it would be flared down. The mood change didn’t stop him from continuing on with chastising Kageyama for not telling him, and if Kageyama were anyone else he wouldn’t have been able to tell that there even _was_ a change at all.

Kageyama felt. Bad. Somehow. Like he was guilty of something.

“What position do—did you play?” Hinata pulled the other from his thoughts, finally coming back to listening, and upon doing so, he sighed heavily. They would need to go to class soon, but he knew Hinata would risk them getting late if he refused to answer.

“Setter,” he mumbled, antsy to leave and frustrated by the way Hinata, despite smiling, felt that…whatever it was. Some negative emotion. Hurt, maybe. Kageyama didn’t know and wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Still, it didn’t stop the redhead from gasping in surprise and looking like a child at a birthday party who’d just broke open the piñata when he processed Kageyama’s answer. “You were a setter?”

“We’re gonna be late.” Kageyama tugged away from the other’s grip and started in the opposite direction.

Hinata pouted, catching on to the taller’s reluctance to give a response. “Fine,” he relented, before starting on his way to his own first period, but not before sticking his tongue out at the other and laughing in a goodbye. Kageyama rolled his eyes in response but didn’t deny the fondness of which he did.

At lunch, Hinata stole Kageyama’s phone from him and refused to give it back.

“Asshole, let me have it—“ Kageyama reached over to steal it back, only to have the other swipe it away again and slap his hand.

“Nope,” he said with a cheeky grin that made Kageyama kind of want to strangle him.

“I don’t even have any games on there so there’s no reason for you to be using it—“

“I’m not _looking_ for games, stupid.” Hinata stuck his tongue out annoyingly, still clutching the phone in possessive hands yet not even doing anything with it.

Kageyama glared. “Give it back.”

“Nope.”

“Dumbass—“

“Just hold on for a sec, will you?” Hinata tapped away at the screen, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration like he was doing some strenuous work. “Allllmost done.”

“Jesus Christ.”

Once he was pleased with his work, Hinata held the phone up in the air, throwing up a peace sign and sticking his tongue out yet again. It made an audible clicking sound when the picture was taken, and Kageyama resolved himself to pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his headache.

“Here you go!” Hinata slid the sad flip-phone across the table to its original owner, who caught it reluctantly, glaring at the thing like that would make his headache any better. “My number’s in your phone now, in case you need me for something.”

“The selfie wasn’t necessary,” Kageyama mumbled, but only received a small snicker and a vague sense of amusement and something else he couldn’t tell in response. When the redhead realized that he was genuinely hurting, his mood shifted to worried again.

“You okay?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed gently, and it might’ve been endearing if the headache wasn’t increasing by the second.

“Peachy,” Kageyama answered, probably a little too snappish.

“Is it your head?”

Kageyama nodded.

“…Do…do you want me to, like, get you some water or something?” Hinata offered hesitantly, seeming unsure about what to do in the situation.

Kageyama shook his head, gesturing to his milk, before regretting it; the movement had only made it worse, and he winced. “I’m fine,” he grumbled.

“Pfft, milk won’t help with your headache, stupid.” Sounds of shifting, and then Hinata let out a little, “Be right back!” before Kageyama could hear footsteps fading as the boy trotted away, presumably to get something.

It only took a few moments before he returned, breathing like he’d run all the way to wherever he’d gone and back, and he plopped down in his seat across from Kageyama heavily, shoving a water bottle in the other’s face. “Here. Drink.”

“Where’d you get this?” he asked, unscrewing the top and taking a large swig.

“I mean, you kinda have to keep hydrated during volleyball. But you _already_ _knew_ that.” He added the last part a little bitterly, still upset about not having been told earlier.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kageyama mumbled, taking another sip. Still, he was kind of glad to know that he was cared for, even if by someone as annoying (endearing) as Hinata.

The rest of the lunch period carried on uneventfully, as did the day, and Kageyama was half proud to say that he did his homework right as he got home. He was just getting ready to take a shower and settle down for the night when he got a text.

 

**From** : Hinata

**Sub** : toss to me!!!

 

            im @ the park rn!!! come play volleyball with me!!!!

 

Kageyama scowled at his phone and quietly regretted letting the boy have his number.

He didn’t have any more homework to finish, but he _really_ wanted to take a long, hot shower, try to get rid of the headache that had been plaguing him all day, and lie down. That was it. Those were his plans for the night.

But for some unknown reason, he found himself typing a quick response of _i_ _have_ _no_ _idea_ _why_ _i’m_ _agreeing_ _to_ _this,_ and then quickly changing his number from “Hinata” to “Dumbass.” He slid on his shoes and a small jacket and told his mom he’d be back in an hour, and that he had his phone with him if she needed him. He half-hoped she’d said he couldn’t go, but she only smiled and told him to have fun.

It took Kageyama five minutes on bike and fifteen minutes on feet, but he was much too tired to bother with biking there. Once he finally arrived, the park was almost entirely empty except for a shock of orange hair glowing under the street lamps, a small boy looking even smaller under the dim lights and black background. He sat on one of the swings meant for younger children, idly tossing a volleyball up in the air and catching it again, singing to himself quietly, some American song he was struggling to remember the lyrics of.

He fumbled through the chorus, filling in the gapes with nonsense words and a general imitation of the melody, but it only made Kageyama grin to himself. He really was stupid.

“Oi! I didn’t walk all this way to just watch you, you know!” Kageyama finally said as way of greeting. The boy’s head snapped over to look at him, and his face split into a smile.

“Geez, Bakageyama, that took _soooo_ _loooong_! You walk so slow!”

“Be glad I came at all,” Kageyama grumbled, grabbing at the other’s head to pull his hair a little.

“Ow, ow, ow! Asshole, let go!”

Kageyama let go. “Do you want me to toss to you or not?”

Immediately, Hinata straightened up, his expression back to one of excitement instead of annoyance, having apparently already forgotten about the hair pulling. “This way!” he directed, leading the two of them into a small field behind the park.

The field was just as empty as the rest of the park, except the street lamps were even dimmer here, and he couldn’t see very well at all. “Ugh,” he grumbled. “You couldn’t have chosen a spot with more light?”

“I can see fine,” Hinata stated nonchalantly, spinning the ball in his hands a few times before throwing it to the other.

Kageyama scoffed but said nothing, catching the ball and feeling an instant wave of nostalgia. He’d never really practice on his own, not outside of his backyard, but the feel of the ball in his hand was enough to make him wish, not for the first time, that he were able to play again.

But Hinata was still standing there, looking expectant as he bounced his feet and radiating excitement and the anticipation before playing that Kageyama had wished he’d had the chance to feel for almost a year now, so instead of getting himself too caught up in his own thoughts, he tossed to him.

\--

They played for a good hour before Kageyama realized just how late it was and dammit, he still had to take a shower and eat dinner. He went to tell Hinata that, but somehow, along the way, he’d noticed the way the taller was still wincing in pain at his day-old headache.

“It’s not gone away yet?” Hinata asked, tucking the ball under his arm as he regulated his breathing. He lifted his hand like he was going to reach to touch Kageyama before there was a flicker of uncertainty and he dropped it instead, passing it off as nothing. When a shake of the head was the answer, he said, “I know something that might help with it.”

Kageyama narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the shorter. “What is it?”

“Geez, don’t look like I’m trying to poison you!” His chest puffed up defensively. “And it’s just a drink my mom used to make for me when I got headaches from being stressed out or…you know, stuff like that. They, um. They make them go away really quickly. If you want, I can bring you some tomorrow, if—if, you know, if it’s still hurting.”

He started to say, _no_ , _of_ _course_ _not, I’m fine,_ before he focused on what the other felt and got…nervousness and a little bit of hope in answer, and for some reason, the words died on his tongue. “I get headaches a lot,” he finally decided on replying. “Because of the whole empath thing. My mom says it can…cause stuff like that if people’s emotions are changing too much—something to do with, like, using too much energy to focus on them or something? I don’t really know. But I’ll, um, probably end up getting one tomorrow, if this one goes away at all. So. That would be…yeah.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You can do that.”

Hinata stood blinking for a moment, taking in the information. That had answered probably a few of the many questions he constantly threw at the other, Kageyama thought with quiet smugness.

“Right!” He answered finally, smiling brightly and beginning to walk in the opposite direction of where Kageyama was going, presumably to his own house. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bakageyama!”

“Asshole!”

Kageyama got a laugh in response, clear and loud in the otherwise complete silence. When he got home, his mother smiled at him knowingly and asked if he had a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tobio: im straight  
> his mom: sure sweetie :)
> 
> also !!! i posted a quick comic-y thing having to do w/ this au on my tumblr so like. here: {h t t p:/./.calliopin-around.tumblr.com/post/116413548390/was-talking-abt-my-empath-kageyama-au-w-em-last}


	5. so many faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, logically, he said, it would make sense for him to come over and help with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of tsukkiyama in this chapter but its literally like one sentence so [shrugging emoticon]

Hinata came into Algebra the next day with such a wide grin that Kageyama was half afraid it would stick that way.

“Here!” Hinata was across the room in a moment, shoving a package under the dark-haired boy’s nose and looking expectant. When Kageyama only stared at it for a moment, he rolled his eyes and huffed, “C’mon, don’t you know how to hold stuff now, Bakageyama?”

The aforementioned boy scowled and took it harshly. “What’s this for?”

“For your headaches!” The redhead was practically bursting with excitement, bouncing on the balls of his feet like he often did, and when Kageyama only looked at the package skeptically, he demanded, “Open it!”

“Fine, fine, but at least sit down, dumbass. You’re too loud, and your rocking is bothering me.”

Hinata did as he was asked, but he still bounced in his seat a little, which did nothing but earn him a glare. When Kageyama unwrapped the package, he found a mason jar with what looked like tea leaves in it, a small bow around the top of the jar, presumably put there by Hinata’s mother. He raised any eyebrow in a silent question.  
“My mom makes this special tea for me,” Hinata began to explain, “when I’ve got a headache or…you know, when I’m not feeling well. Just stuff like that. It actually tastes pretty good too, so that’s a plus!”

Kageyama felt the way he was grasping for words for a moment there but chose to say nothing about it. “Is there…do I just make it regularly or…?” he tried to ask.

Hinata shook his head. “There’s a way to do it, otherwise it won’t work as well. And I mean, technically you could do it normally anyway, if you really just wanted to, since it tastes fine like that, but if you want it to make your headaches better then I’ll have to teach you—oh! By the way, did it ever go away?”

“Um,” Kageyama turned the jar over in his hand, staring at it like he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. “It. Didn’t, I guess. Or if it did, I’ve got one again, so it didn’t help much.”

“Weeeeell, now you’ve got this to help!” Hinata grinned, feeling pleased with himself, before turning back around in his seat just in time for the teacher to walk in and start her lesson.

When lunch rolled around, Kageyama asked why he couldn’t just tell him now, but Hinata insisted that knowing Kageyama, he’d forget it before the time he got home and then he’d have to drink it like normal tea and all Hinata’s hard work would be wasted.

So, logically, he said, it would make sense for him to come over and help with that. Kageyama narrowed his eyes and accused him of just using that as an excuse.

Hinata’s face turned red. “Sorry for being curious. I bet you live in a cave, that’s why you’re so gloomy and reserved, and why you don’t want me to come over. You’re afraid I’ll mess up your weird cave home.”

“I don’t live in a cave, dumbass,” Kageyama snapped with a scowl, but even before Hinata grinned and said, “Prove it,” he knew he was fucked.

And that was more or less how Hinata ended up coming home with him. It was a thirty minute walk from the school to Kageyama’s house, ten minutes if he biked—and they did do that, actually, half way through when Kageyama got annoyed with how long it was taking them to get anywhere. It ended up as a race, but Hinata didn’t know where his house was, so he went the wrong direction at first. Kageyama wanted to be annoyed at him for it, but mostly he just thought it was kind of hilarious.

It didn’t occur to Kageyama that he had never asked his mother if this was okay until they were swerving into his driveway, coming to a stop at the opening of his garage where Hinata parked his bike to get later. Kageyama’s set his next to the other’s so he could put it in the garage when Hinata left.

“Tobio-chan, are you home?” His mother called from the kitchen when she heard the two of them coming inside.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he called in response, closing the door behind the two of them. Hinata took his shoes off and offered a small, “Sorry for the intrusion.” Kageyama’s mother popped her head out from the kitchen, her face lighting up when she saw Hinata.

“Oh, Tobio, you didn’t say you were having company over!”

“Yeah, uh, I hope that’s…okay,” he offered lamely, but she wasn’t listening, too busy pulling Hinata into a hug and greeting him brightly.

“You must be Sho-chan!” She said, that wide smile still on. Hinata rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and she pulled away, hands on either of his shoulders to look at him. “It’s so great to finally meet you! Tobio has talked so much about you—“

“Really, no,” Kageyama said, glaring at his mother.

“Oh, don’t be so modest, To! You were talking about him just the other day—“

“Yeah, because you _made_ me,” he mumbled, kicking off his shoes and setting his backpack off near the foot of the stairs.

She waved her hand dismissively. “Details, details. Either way, it’s lovely to meet you, Hinata.” She gave him another one of her genuine smiles, bright enough to rival his, but he didn’t fail to return it with as much enthusiasm as he could, despite the nervousness and lack of comfortableness he was feeling. Kageyama took the mason jar from his backpack and headed to the kitchen, waiting for Hinata to follow. He did, along with Kageyama’s mother.

“I was in the middle of making dinner for the two of us tonight,” she explained when Hinata looked curiously at what she’d been cooking. “Are you staying for dinner, Sho-chan? I’d love it if you would, and I’m sure we have enough for one more person.”

“I’m actually just here to show Bak—Kageyama something, then I probably need to head back home,” he explained, giving her a sheepish smile.

“Aww,” she frowned. “Well, that’s too bad. What were you going to show Tobio?”

Kageyama felt the smaller’s mood shift slightly whenever his mother said his first name, but when he tried to focus on it more to figure out why, his head started hurting worse, and after a moment, he gave up. It didn’t matter that much.

“I, um…Well, he said he’d been having headaches recently, and my mom used to make this—um, this special type of tea for me when I wasn’t feeling well, and it helped with headaches too, so I’m showing him how to make it correctly.”

Kageyama’s mother leaned her chin on her fist, gaze unwavering as she listened to Hinata talk. “Well, then I really appreciate you doing that for Tobio. He’s always struggled with things like this—and I’m not just thanking you for the tea, either, I mean, he’s also had issues with making fri—“

Kageyama coughed loudly into his hand. She rolled her eyes at his actions and pushed off from where she’d been leaning against the kitchen isle, going back to the counter to continue chopping vegetables or whatever she’d been doing. “But anyway, Sho-chan, thank you. Unfortunately, I can’t let you use the kitchen right now, unless you both feel like staying in here with me—“

“We’ll just. Um. Go to my room,” Kageyama was quick to respond. He didn’t think he’d survive that long with his mother there.

“Are you going to do homework?”

“Sure.” He grabbed his backpack from where he’d set it down and started to head towards the stair; Hinata followed, giving Kageyama’s mother a wave on his way out of the room. She waved back, radiating a bit of pride, but mostly just that stupid smugness she’d had for the past ten minutes.

When they got to Kageyama’s room, the first thing out of Hinata’s mouth was, “I was gonna say that you don’t live in a cave, so you win this one, but I think this just proves that I’m right.”

Kageyama went to grab his head, but he dodged away expertly, snickering to himself before throwing himself down on the floor, crossing his legs and taking off his backpack.

“…The hell are you grinning for?”

Hinata shook his head. “Nooothing.”

The taller narrowed his eyes, sitting on his desk’s chair and setting his backpack down. “Well, it’s annoying.”

“Your mom’s, like, super nice, Bakageyama.”

“She seems like it,” he mumbled, still frustrated with her for purposefully trying to embarrass him. Not. That there was anything to be embarrassed about. Since it was just Hinata. Obviously. And he didn’t care about what Hinata thought. Especially not about what he thought about him being pretty much friendless his entire life.

Said boy laughed from where he was still sitting on the floor, his back against the bed. “It’s a wonder you turned out the way you did what such a great mom—“

“Hey!”

That only made him laugh more, and as hard as Kageyama was trying to be annoyed, the corner of his lip still involuntarily twitched upward when Hinata accidentally snorted, something that should _not_ have been cute but sort of was anyway.

“Dick,” Kageyama grumbled, pulling a binder out of his bag and riffling through it, more to seem busy than anything. He really didn’t want to do homework, but he also didn’t want his mom and Hinata to be in the same room together ever again, pretty much. Both of their emotions were too…weirdly enthusiastic. It frustrated him.

“Did you finish the packet for Algebra?” Hinata shuffled up from his position on the floor and settled himself on Kageyama’s bed, pulling his legs up to him and making a small nest around him out of his binders.

“When’s it due?”

“…Tomorrow?”

“Shit,” Kageyama cursed and pulled it out, staring disdainfully at the completely blank ten pages. “Did you do it?”

Hinata snorted. “Pfft, of course not. I don’t understand any of it.”

“Dammit.”

“I mean, I could ask Yamaguchi for answers, but he’s, like, even worse than you at responding to texts, so.” He shrugged noncommittally.

Kageyama opted to ignore the insult at him and asked, “…Yamaguchi?”

The redhead’s mood switched to interest pretty quickly at that, his eyes lighting up. “He’s on the team with me, and he’s in our grade—he’s actually kind of cool, even though he’s always hanging around Tsukishima, but I’m, like, almost completely sure they’re dating or something, so I guess that’s why they’re always together and whatever.”

Kageyama unfortunately knew Tsukishima from a class they shared, but he’d forgotten he was on the volleyball team. He nodded in recognition. “Oh. Well. Do that, then.”

“We’re pretty much screwed if I don’t anyway, and my mom’ll kill me if I get anything worse than the last test.”

Kageyama kind of wish he didn’t care, but he still asked, “…What’d you get on the last test?”

He blew a piece of his hair out of his eyes, mood dropping. “…14.”

Kageyama didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help it when he started laughing, and it wasn’t even like it was hard laughing or something like that; it was for, like, two seconds, but Hinata immediately perked up, mood changing from upset to interested to shock to—that _thing_ that Kageyama hadn’t been able to place for the past week or two, and he was sort of gaping, which shut the other up pretty quickly.

He stifled any more laughter and tried to act like that hadn’t just happened.

After a moment, Hinata seemed to realize he’d been laughing at his test score. “Hey! It’s not like you did any better!”

“I got a 59,” Kageyama said.

Hinata narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. “Fine, then I’ll just have to get a better score than you on this next one.”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow back in challenge. “Fine.”

“Fine.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Kageyama was the first to look away, face heating up without any actual reason, dammit.

“…Has Yamaguchi responded yet?”

Hinata only laughed at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave suggestions for things u might want to c in this fic if u wanna [tango emoji] ill probably end up putting them in here at some point since its literally just so directionless rn that its like why not amirite


	6. un-rewarding message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was one such day that they were playing volleyball when Kageyama had a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh man. oh man. this chapter is so gay. im. in shock. at how gay this is tbh
> 
> also!!!! oh my gosh look at this cute fanart for this fic im in tEars its so cute: http://calliopin-around.tumblr.com/post/116686631960/meredett-no-amount-of-filters-is-going-to-save thank u devyn so much for drawing it!!
> 
> TW in this chapter for: i guess mentions of bullying sort of and also anxiety

Fortunately or unfortunately, Kageyama’s mother was nothing if not persistent, so Hinata ended up giving in and staying for dinner anyway.It was a bit weird for Kageyama to be eating with two people instead of just with his mother, but he didn’t find it too particularly unpleasant; at least Hinata seemed to get along well with his mom (although he wasn’t sure that was necessarily a good thing, seeing as how they spent most of the meal poking fun at Kageyama).

It wasn’t until they’d finished eating and putting their dishes in the washer that Hinata finally actually showed him how to prepare the tea. It wasn’t really that difficult, but Kageyama knew he would’ve forgotten if he’d not be instructed; plus, Hinata seemed to only be able to explain concept through a series of jumping and overenthusiasm, so he guessed it wasn’t a total waste for him to come over.

Hinata said that the jar would last him a few weeks if he drank it often—“Which you might want to, honestly”—and that he could bring some more over when he ran out if Kageyama wanted him to. He said yeah, that’d be, that’d be good, and his mom conveniently intervened just then, looking like the cat that got the cream.

The days continued like that, them talking during Algebra and lunch, Hinata sometimes coming over after his practices if he didn’t have too much homework to catch up on (or if he just wasn’t going to do it). A month rolled by, and eventually Kageyama started bringing the tea in thermoses to school so he’d always have it there.To his surprise, it actually helped, and it didn’t hurt anything that it tasted really good too, and because of this, it became habit for him to have it all the time. Hinata always managed to sneak some of the tea from him when he wasn’t paying enough attention, and when he complained about it (“You can literally just make some at home, dumbass!”) he only ever got a change in subject as reply.

A month and a half into knowing Hinata, Kageyama started realizing that he referred to him as his friend in his head whenever he thought about it. His immediate thought after that was _dammit_ and then _Mom’s never going to let this one go_ and then _why do I even care that much?!_

Sometimes they played volleyball together, if Hinata managed to get annoying enough to convince the other to go along with it. It was fun at first, but it started hurting more the more often they played. It was one such day that they were playing volleyball when Kageyama had a panic attack.

It was a Sunday, and they were at the park they usually hung around at, tossing to each other in the field, the sun beginning to set; the week had been particularly bad, more so than usual, and Kageyama hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his old teammates, the ones from middle school that he’d tried to convince himself he didn’t care about. It didn’t do much to help him when Hinata started talking about the practice match they’d had with Aobajousai.

“And their setter—oh man, he was amazing! Intimidating, though. And kind of annoying, honestly, but his serves were—Kageyama?” Somewhere along talking, Hinata had finally noticed that Kageyama had stopped tossing the ball, instead clutching it in shaking hands, staring at his feet.

The ginger’s eyebrows furrowed, and if Kageyama had been able to pay attention to anything outside of the burning in his fingertips, the panic in his throat, he would’ve felt Hinata’s worry. “Hey, are you okay?”

There wasn’t a response. He couldn’t find his voice; he couldn’t find much at all at the moment, except the vivid memory of how his teammates had felt, their scorn and their anger at his tosses, their jeering happiness when they found out he had to quit, their jealousy, green, green, green, covered in layers and layers of hostility and quiet aggression, silenced by their coach and barked out in privacy.

He didn’t feel Hinata’s worry. He didn’t feel the careful fingers tugging on his wrist, didn’t feel the ball drop from his hands and bounce once on the dirt, didn’t feel himself be pulled to the ground, knees folding around him.

He didn’t hear the crack in Hinata’s voice when he asked again if he was okay, was there anything he could do to help, what was wrong? He couldn’t hear it, even if he wanted to, not over the sound of _king king king we’re glad you’re gone we didn’t need you no one can hit those tosses oppressive king oh are we not good enough for you? you should’ve quit the team three years ago you ruin everything—_

“Kageyama!”

His hands were still on fire and he still couldn’t breathe, but he could feel his chin being pulled up until he was eye to eye with Hinata.

Kageyama blinked. His head hurt. “You’re crying.”

He received a glare in response, empty of any sincerity. “You’re one to talk.”

_I’m not crying,_ he started to say, but Hinata’s hand was on his cheek, and when he blinked he felt something wet on his eyelashes. _Oh._ The fire in his fingertips was beginning to calm down. He stood up on shaky legs, and Hinata followed suit.

They stood around in awkward silence for a few moments, until Kageyama cleared his throat, unable to make eye contact. “I’m sorry,” he said, but before the words were even fully out of his mouth, there were arms around his waist and a shock of orange against his chest, knocking the breath out of him.

“Stupid,” Hinata mumbled into his shirt, his arms gripping tighter. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, trying to return the hug with his arms feeling heavy. He found it more awkward than he wanted it to be, and he willed the rising memories back down again when Hinata finally pulled away, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“You suck at this.”

“What?”

“Hugs. You suck at them. That was the worst hug I’ve ever received.”

Kageyama glared at him, opening his mouth to object, but Hinata interrupted him by burying his head back in his shirt, saying, “First you scare me half to death, and then you give me a super sucky hug. Worst friend ever.”

“We’re friends?” The words were out of his mouth before he could decided if they were even worth asking.

Hinata snorted, nuzzling his head into Kageyama’s shirt and making his chest feel weirdly warm. “You’re so stupid. Of course we are, dummy.” He pulled away again so he could give Kageyama a stern look. “And friends tell each other what’s wrong so you might want to explain why you had a panic attack.”

“How’d you know I—“

“I get them too.” The words come out of his mouth in a jumble, and there was that spike of anxiety mixed within worry for the other. “What caused it?”

“It’s…” Kageyama looked away, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the volleyball sitting innocently amongst dead grass. He wasn’t sure he had the energy to explain it all at the moment. “Can we just…”

Hinata stayed silent for a moment, waiting patiently for a development of words, but when he received none, he offered, voice uncharacteristically soft, “We can have dinner at my place, and you can tell me afterwards if you wanna.”

Kageyama nodded. “Yeah. That’d. Yeah.”

Hinata smiled back, radiating worry still, but it was overtaken but that…whatever it was that he’d seemed so keen on feeling lately. Suddenly aware of how close they were, Kageyama dropped his hands from around the other and took a step back.

\--

Hinata’s family was nice, if not a little eccentric. His dad hadn’t gotten home from work yet, but his mom seemed to want to know all about if the tea had been helping. Kageyama found that Hinata’s little sister Natsu seemed to like him a whole awful lot, but whether or not that was a good thing, he wasn’t sure.

Mostly, Hinata tried to have them stay away from his family as best as they could while they were there, probably because of what had happened. They ate dinner in his room via some excuse about finishing homework for Algebra, even though Kageyama didn’t even have his backpack with him.

He was thankful for Hinata’s chatty nature, as they would’ve sat there in uncomfortable silence while eating dinner otherwise. Mostly he talked about his friend Kenma from Karasuno’s rival, Nekoma, and Kageyama pretended he didn’t know about that while he talked all about the two teams’ history together.

He seemed to really like Kenma, if the way he talked about him was an indicator, and for some reason that did nothing to raise Kageyama’s mood. If anything, it made it worse, but he didn’t have the heart to tell the other that, nor did he have the energy. If he said he was uncomfortable, then he’d have to explain why, and he didn’t really have any answer to give him, or the patience to think of one.

When both of their bowls were empty, Hinata yawned, stretching with his arms over his head like a cat. He nudged the bowl away from him with his foot, cracking his fingers before leaning back on the palms of his hands. He titled his head, brown eyes unwavering as they rested on the boy across from. Sometimes Kageyama couldn’t help but think that Hinata was actually the one who was an empath out of the two.

“What happened?” Hinata asked, voice casual but mood serious.

Kageyama rubbed the back of his neck, willing himself to speak. “I used to play at Aobajousai,” he forced out. The words sounded choppy.

“Okay?”

He huffed, frustrated that that wasn’t enough of an explanation. “Before…before I quit, I played as setter there. But I wasn’t…exactly the most well-liked…”

Hinata sat up, leaning in to show he was paying attention. “Why’d you quit?”

“…I. Ended up passing out during practice. From the pain.”

It took a moment, but recognition flashed before Hinata nodded. “Empath thing.”

“Yeah. Empath thing,” Kageyama agreed bitterly.

“But why’d you have a panic attack?”

“It’s worse when people don’t like you when you can constantly _tell_ that they don’t,” he snapped. “And it was the whole damn _team_. They were already verbal about it enough, but I could—I could always…” His voice cracked. He shut up.

In a moment, Hinata was there, sitting in front of him, feeling apologetic, and he reached out to touch him before faltering and lowering his hand again. “Hey. Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like…”

“It’s fine.” He didn’t sound fine.

“So…was it just…me talking about them that…?” He started to ask.

Kageyama shook his head. “No. I mean. Kind of. Before that, I’d been…thinking. Too much.”

“Then don’t think too much, dummy,” Hinata chastised.

Kageyama made a face and looked away. “…Whatever.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Neither moved from where they sat. After what felt like forever, Hinata started, voice quiet, “So…”

“What?”

“You could feel that they didn’t like you?” He asked. Kageyama narrowed his eyes, irritated even if he knew it was irrational to be.

“That’s what I said,” he grumbled.

His irritation flickered, faltered, when Hinata took his hand and set it on his chest, eye contact stable and voice too serious for such a bubbly person as he asked, “Can you feel that I _do_ like you?”

Kageyama’s face felt red. He knew he was staring, but it was difficult not to when the only thing going through his head was the fact that, yeah, yeah he really could, actually, and wow was it normal to be that embarrassed about touching him? He swallowed a lump in his throat, hoping it wasn’t audible, before he forced out a quieter than intended, “Yeah.”

Hinata smiled, all blinding happiness and that _thing_ again, and he let his hand drop finally. “Good.”

Kageyama’s hand felt warm where Hinata had touched him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how long do u think itll take kags before he realizes that hinatas gay af for him i mean cmon man he essentailly just told u


	7. if my heart stops beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t until Kageyama set his phone down that he realized just exactly what housing Hinata for three days straight would entail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo upd8ing schedule is lookin like monday, wednesday, friday, and maybe saturday/sunday if i feel like it that weekend? what do yall think?
> 
> also yaaaay more awkward flirting b/c theyre ridiculous [tango emoji]

**From:** Dumbass

**Subject:**!!

 

            mom needs me out of the house this weekend :’// can i stay @ ur place?

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: !!

 

            Why does she need you out?

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: Re: !!

 

            mom + dad + natsu r goin out of town for a thing n i guess they dont want me home alone for that long even tho i told them id b ok on my own!!

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: !!

 

            Ugh. Let me ask my mom.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: !!

 

            ok! :D

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: !!

 

            She said it’s fine. How long are you staying for?

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: !!

 

            i can go home w/ u friday n my familyll b back likkkee sunday afternoon or sooner cuz theyre leaving b4 school Friday

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: !!

 

            Mom said that works.

 

\--

 

It wasn’t until Kageyama set his phone down that he realized just exactly what housing Hinata for three days straight would entail.

It meant he had to spend _three_ _consecutive_ _days_ with the boy, no breaks in between.

Just.

Three days of Hinata.

Nonstop.

Which would also mean an overabundance of mood changes (and therefore probably headaches). Not to mention too much energy—Jesus _Christ_ , that boy never stopped bouncing. And there was also the issue of his mom, who would no doubt try her hardest to make sure she said too much and “lovingly” embarrassed him. (Not. That there was anything to be embarrassed about. When it was just Hinata. Yep. Nothing.)

Overall, Kageyama was relatively prepared for the worst when he came to school that Friday, already half dreading the weekend. School seemed to take mercy on him, because he ended up having a decent day for once. He could feel the excitement for the weekend buzzing around him, the anticipation of whatever it was the students were so excited for, the tiredness from earlier in the week taking a back seat to other emotions. Hinata’s emotions seemed steadier; he wasn’t yelling as much during Algebra or jumping around during lunch, but he did make a show of dragging Kageyama along with him to meet up with Yamaguchi.

Even though Kageyama was pretty sure he had a class or two with Yamaguchi, he doubted there was anyway he could’ve remembered him had he not been pointed out. The boy was tall, at least in comparison to Hinata, and lanky, covered in freckles up to his ears, with a face easy enough to pass for anyone else.

Despite this, Hinata seemed to really get along with him; even if Kageyama hadn’t been able to feel the fondness, he would’ve been able to hear it in Hinata’s voice as he prattled on about his day to Yamaguchi.

“And then during lunch, Suga-san—Oh!” He stopped mid-sentence to turn to Kageyama, apparently having just realized he’d forgotten to introduce the two. “By the way, this is Kageyama! He’s a giant asshole.”

“Literally what the fuck!” Kageyama willed his cheeks to stop heating up as he glared at a grinning Hinata.

“Oh, um—I’m Yamaguchi. It’s nice to meet you,” the brown-haired boy interrupted the two’s bickering, offering a small wave in greeting, paired with a polite smile. Kageyama could feel the nervousness and uncertainty, and offered a wave in response. He tried to focus on how Hinata was feeling instead; even the enthusiasm was better than intimidation.

Conversation continued for a few more minutes with Hinata dominating most of it, occasionally pulling Kageyama into the topic if it involved volleyball or something about him, until Tsukishima showed up. Yamaguchi smiled apologetically at Hinata before explaining that they had to leave.

Hinata watched them walk away, hands on his hips. He nodded solemnly. “They’re totally dating.”

“Why do you say that?”

He actually laughed at the question. “Why _wouldn’t_ I say that? Look at them! They’re, like, crazy in love and all that gross stuff.”

Kageyama scowled subconsciously. “Don’t see why Yamaguchi would want to date someone like Tsukishima anyway…”

 The redhead shrugged and hiked his backpack up. He started walking. “Pfft, don’t ask me, I’m not Yama. C’mon, you could feel how they felt while they were with each other, couldn’t you tell?”

Kageyama followed. “I mean…I guess?”

“Well? Did you feel any gushy gross romantic stuff?”

“Not…really?”

Hinata huffed. “You’re no fun.”

“Cut me some slack, okay, I’ve never…” He frowned. “I’ve not been able to ever…tell what it feels like when someone’s in love.”

“…Never?”

“That’s what I just said, yeah.” He was getting defensive, although he couldn’t tell why.

“Not even when your parents are together and stuff? You don’t get any _looove_ vibes from being around them?”

“…”

Hinata blinked, mood shifting to curious. “Kageyama?”

“I, um. My dad passed away when I was…little.”

Curiosity to regret. That was quick. “Oh.”

“Let’s just get your bike and get back to my house. Mom’s making dinner tonight.”

 

\--

 

When they got to Kageyama’s house, his mother wasn’t home. She’d had a meeting to go to that she’d neglected to tell her son about, so they got there to a note on the counter with a quickly scribbled _be home soon to-chan! tell shouyou I’m very glad he’s staying with us, and left overs are in the fridge if you boys get hungry!_

Kageyama couldn’t help but scowl at the nickname, quickly taking the note off the counter and throwing it away. He went to the fridge and pulled out the milk carton, feeling Hinata’s laughter even before he giggled into his hand and snorted, “’To-chan’?”

“Shut up,” he mumbled, pouring himself a glass and ignoring the way he was almost definitely blushing. Hinata made a face but dropped the subject, setting his backpack down next to Kageyama’s near the staircase.

Still, he couldn’t help it when he sat down in one of the bar stools on the other side of the counter and said, “Pass me the milk, _To-chan.”_

It was meant to be joking—a way to get on Kageyama’s nerves and frustrate him, that much was for sure, but regardless of the intent, it only served to make his face redder, although not from frustration. The way Hinata said his first name, even just a nickname of it, _shouldn’t_ have done weird things to his chest, but he still found himself hiding his face as he turned to put the carton away, just to spite the other.

“Aww, that’s not a very nice way to treat your guest,” Hinata pouted, chin in his palm, before adding as an afterthought, “ _To-chan.”_

“Stop that.” Kageyama managed to glare at him. He felt the spike of fear that it caused, but Hinata didn’t back down. He grinned wider.

“How come? Does it bother you, To-chan?”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Ah, but I’m _your_ asshole.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Hinata seemed just as surprised as Kageyama.

“That—um—I didn’t think that response through,” he managed to say after a brief staring contest, face red.

Kageyama couldn’t help it when he snorted, a hand coming up to cover his mouth, but after that he was full out laughing, because the situation was just so _horrible,_ honestly, it was a testament to just how ridiculous Hinata was.

Hinata stared at him for a moment, but he didn’t hide it when he laughed after a moment too. The atmosphere calmed down a bit after that, and Kageyama felt, through the unabashed happiness that so often radiated off the other, that thing again, something close to fondness and friendship that didn’t quite fit either of those categories. He didn’t worry about it for the time being. The two of them went to his room to play video games.

 

\--

 

They were still up in his room playing when they heard the front door open and shut, and then Kageyama’s mom’s muffled voice, “Boys, I’m home!”

Neither of them responded, too busy with the round they were playing. When Hinata won, Kageyama glared at him and proposed another rematch, because somehow he hadn’t managed to beat him once the entire time and it was pissing him off. Hinata had mentioned that Kenma was teaching him new techniques and that he was “actually really good at it, Kageyama!” but he hadn’t believed it until now.

“You’re just jealous because you can’t beat me,” Hinata taunted, sticking his tongue out at the other and giggling. Kageyama’s heart skipped a beat at the sound. _What the fuck?_

“Am not,” he mumbled half-heartedly, gripping the controller and trying to regulate his pounding heartbeat. He managed to ignore it for the most part, but he still lost that round.

They played until Kageyama’s mother called them down to eat, having made dinner. Hinata immediately perked up, calling, “Race you downstairs!” to Kageyama before the other had even set his controller down. It was a tie that time.

Kageyama’s mother laughed a little at their antics. “How was your day?” she asked the two of them as they sat down to eat.

“Fine,” Kageyama responded automatically. She rolled her eyes at him.

Hinata smiled politely at her and started a conversation about something or another, asking about her work and things like that. Kageyama could feel the way she liked him, the appreciation she had for his polite attempt at small talk and the genuine interest he radiated. Every now and then, they would try to include Kageyama in the conversation, but he mostly just ate and let them do the talking.

“Oh, and the tea’s been working for your headaches, right?” The redhead turned to him in-between taking a bite of his food. He’d been filling his mom in on their endeavors from the past month and a half since he’d last been over.

Kageyama nodded and swallowed the food he’d been chewing. “Yeah, uh, thanks for that, by the way.”

He received a smile in response, all white teeth and dimples that made him blink twice, his heart doing that thing again. His mother sent him a knowing look when the smaller boy wasn’t paying attention; he glared back at her and huffed. She always seemed to do that whenever Hinata was involved—that thing where she looked like she knew something he didn’t. It frustrated him, mostly, because the few times he’d asked her to explain why she always did that, she’d just tsked and shook her head, saying something about not being able to interfere with “things like this.” When he asked what those “things” were supposed to be, she only shushed him and went back to her work.

Dinner passed relatively painlessly, and then the two of them were heading back to his room, taking their backpacks with them, even if they knew they weren’t going to be working on anything. It was better to make his mother think they were being productive for once, instead of just playing video games as they had been the past couple of hours.

Hinata flopped down on his back on Kageyama’s bed, sighing contently. “How’d you do on the Algebra quiz?” He asked, absentmindedly.

“Horrible,” Kageyama answered honestly. The other snickered in reply.

“Yeah, me too. I was supposed to study the other night, but I got home from practice late, and I was too tired to.” He pouted at the ceiling. “Mom thinks I need a tutor.”

“Get a tutor then.” Kageyama pulled his laptop out from under his bed and sat down at his desk.

“But tutors are so…so…just, the worst!” Hinata failed to explain, flailing his arms around like that would help anything. “They always act like I’m a little kid and they never—“ He stopped abruptly.

Kageyama glanced at him. “What?”

He laughed, trying to play it off. “Nothing.”

“I can feel how nervous you are, dumbass, stop pretending. What don’t they ever do?”

“I forgot,” he lied. “But hey! I have a question!”

Kageyama sighed and chose to not press the subject, instead humming as a que for the other to continue.

“You said earlier that you’ve never been able to tell when someone’s in love, right?”

“…Yeah, what about it?”

“I mean, like, how have you never been able to tell? I thought you just _know_ people’s emotions and stuff like that?”

“It’s…not that simple.” He put his chin in his hand, elbow on his desk as he glanced back at the other.

Hinata titled his head like he always did. “I don’t get it.”

The taller sighed. “Um, it’s like—I can tell people’s emotions, but there’s not...always a name to them? I just. Match them up. To how it feels, I guess.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“Like—okay, like, I don’t know, when someone’s angry they’re. They feel really hot? If that makes sense.” He looked away, embarrassed that he was even talking about it. It was weird to think about and weirder to try to explain.

But Hinata looked (and felt) interested, sitting up on the bed and crossing his legs. “Ooh, so it’s like, literally how something feels?”

“I guess.”

His face brightened. “That’s so cool!”

“…I guess.”

“So what do I feel like right now?”

Kageyama chose to ignore the poor choice of wording. “Overenthusiastic, I guess? Loud. You’re like…really…awake. Feelings wise. Because you’re interested.”

“What if I, were, like, scared or something?”

He thought for a moment about how to answer that, trying to remember what that had felt like. He came up empty handed and frustrated, scowling at his open laptop. “I—there’s not a good way to explain it.”

“Aww, c’mon, Bakageyama!” The shorter whined, pouting slightly. “Try it a different way—like, use senses and stuff to describe it!”

“Senses?”

“Yeah, like, what would it look like? Stuff like that!”

Kageyama stared at him for a moment. “You really are stupid.”

“Hey!”

“Right now you’re...well, it’s different with emotions that aren’t as—as prominent, or strong, or whatever. If you were upset, you’d be—Too full. You’d feel too full, like it’d hurt. And if you were angry, you’d be all—hot, I guess, and unpredictable…but things like annoyed or embarrassed or interested are. Harder to describe.” He blinked and willed down embarrassment, realizing how much he’d spoken about it. “I guess.”

Hinata was practically bouncing in his seat. “That’s so _cool_!”

“Glad you think so,” Kageyama grumbled, but he couldn’t help but feel flatter that Hinata thought so highly of him.

Even before Hinata smiled again and made Kageyama’s heart do that weird thing for the third time that night, he was already thinking _I’m so fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kags uve got 2 1/2 more days of this p00p u better b prepared for the ride of ur LIFE


	8. listen to the news, fall asleep at night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We could play Truth or Dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory truth or dare trope b/c hey man its a sleepovr so why not amirite
> 
> this chap features more hints abt hinata, kags being gay af, and bisexual hinata shouyou

Hinata was beginning to act strange nearing the end of the night. He and Kageyama had been doing okay, hanging out in his room and occasionally trying to get work done (although, that lasted a good ten minutes). After their conversation, Hinata seemed satisfied with the information he got, but not too much later, he started shifting where he sat, rolling his shoulders in general discomfort.

Kageyama felt a sharp pang in his back, between his shoulder blades and a little lower, and he glanced at the other. “Are you injured or something?”

“What?” Hinata blinked. “No, no, I’m fine!”

“Stupid,” he reprimanded. “I can literally tell you aren't, and if you’re hurt you won’t be able to play volleyball—“

“Bakageyama, calm down!” The redhead glared defiantly, puffing his chest out like that would make him any more credible. “I’m fine, I promise! You don’t gotta be so worried all the time. My back just hurts a little.”

“Oh.” He deflated, a little embarrassed. “Did you pull a muscle during practice?”

Hinata rubbed the back of his neck. “Something like that.”

They sat in silence, but the atmosphere was a little uncomfortable after that. Kageyama sat on the floor of his room where he’d been reading something, while Hinata resided on his bed, laying on his stomach with his feet kicking in the air like a little kid.

After a good few minute of silently debating it, Kageyama coughed into his fist weakly and started, “Do you, um…”

Even without seeing him, he knew Hinata was doing his dumb head tilt thing. “Hm?”

“Do you want me to, um, give you a massage—or—or something? To help with your back.” The words were rushed, some part of him hoping he’d not been heard at all, but he wasn’t in luck, as Hinata’s mood drastically changed.

He rolled his shoulders subconsciously, like he was trying to pop the joints there. “Um,” he said.

Kageyama looked away. God, he was stupid. “I mean, you can't play if you're hurt, and it's hurting me too, but like...Never mind, that was kind of weird—“

“If you want to,” Hinata interrupted him. “I mean, I don’t…mind. And it really does hurt.” He whined the last part, making a face as he reached a hand back to rub between his shoulders halfheartedly. He winced and Kageyama looked away.

“Okay,” Kageyama said, feeling Hinata already beginning to clamber off his bed behind him. The redhead was sitting in front of him in a moment, and Kageyama forced himself not to think about their proximity, or the way Hinata had bent down to sit there and—yeah, wow, no, not going there. He looked away and set his hands on the other’s shoulders gingerly.

“Where does it hurt most?” he asked.

“Mm, in between shoulder blades, I guess?” Hinata straightened his back. “Kind of all over, though.”

All over. Awesome. Kageyama nodded and worked his hands first on Hinata’s shoulders, gentle at first because he wasn’t sure how much pressure was needed. It took him a moment to get into a decent rhythm, what with how weirdly…distracting it was to be in his position, and it did little to reassure him when he felt how frantic Hinata’s own emotions were, embarrassed mostly, but finding equilibrium between that _thing_ and content.

“Does this hurt?” Kageyama asked, working a knot right below Hinata’s shoulder blades. If Hinata was hurting, he couldn't feel it, but over the years he had found it safer to ask anyway.

He shook his head. “Nah, not really.”

“Now?” He pressed harder.

Hinata’s breath hitched. “N-nope.”

“Tell me if it starts to.” Kageyama could tell his voice came out softer than intended, but he chose to ignore it and, instead, swallowed the lump in his throat. He pressed into a spot right between the other’s shoulder blades, where he’d been rubbing earlier, and received a low moan.

They both stopped.

Hinata was the first to say something. “That, um. There’s good.”

Kageyama nodded and started again, glad the other was turned around so he couldn’t see how bright his face was. “Okay.”

The thought _Mom could interpret this as an entirely different situation_ didn’t come to him until Hinata was already pulling away, sighing happily in lieu of rolling his shoulders. “Thanks,” he said, too cheery as always, before hopping up and retaking his seat on the bed.

“No problem,” Kageyama mumbled, turning away to go back to his book and hopefully forget about the sound Hinata had made, or the face he would’ve made complementary to that and— _stop._

They stayed in silence like that, each doing their own thing, Kageyama trying to force his brain to pay attention to the paragraphs in front of him while Hinata did…whatever Hinata did.

Kageyama was starting to realize he was getting tired when the other suddenly spoke up.

“Hey, Bakageyama,” Hinata started, sounding thoughtful.

“What?”

“I’m bored.”

“Okay.”

He pouted. “Don’t just say, ‘Okay,’ when that was an invitation for us to _do_ something!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, although thankful for the distraction. “What would we even do?”

A shrug. “I dunno. Play more video games?”

“That’s _all_ we’ve done.”

He huffed, rolling over to the side of the bed so he could look at his friend. “Why don’t you come up with some better ideas then?”

“I can’t think of any.”

“You’re just being mean,” Hinata decided, going back to his original position, facing the ceiling. “We could play Truth or Dare.”

“Hell no!”

“Aww, c’mon, Bakageyama!” He whined, sitting up as Kageyama had done the same. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do at sleepovers and stuff? Play stupid games and be annoying and have fun and whatever?”

“I don’t know!” The taller huffed, rolling his eyes irritably and slumping against the side of the bed. “All I know is that Truth or Dare is _not_ going to happen!”

“How come?” Hinata’s mood shifted from annoyed to impish suspiciously quickly. “Do you not like playing games like that or something?”

“They’re annoying.” Kageyama crossed his arms over his chest.

“What happened the last time you played for them to be _annoying?_ They’re super fun! Everyone plays them at sleepover parties and stuff! Although there are usually more people…but if it’s just us that means it’s, like. More special. Specialer.”

“’Specialer’ isn’t a word, stupid.”

“I bet I could beat you,” Hinata declared suddenly.

“What?”

“I could beat you at Truth or Dare. I bet I could answer _every_ question and do _every_ dare you give me, no matter how stupid or ridiculous.” He sounded so sure of himself, it was almost unsettling.

Kageyama could feel himself caving, and pretended he wasn’t. “Yeah, right.”

“What, you think you can beat me, Bakageyama?”

“Obviously, dumbass.”

Hinata grinned. “Prove it.”

 

\--

 

“Okay, okay—okay, your turn,” Hinata tried to contain his laughter, but it bubbled out anyway and he pressed a hand to his mouth to stifle it. Kageyama rolled his eyes but felt the corner of his mouth twitching up anyway.

“Um, truth or dare.”

Hinata thought for a moment. “Truth,” he answered, and at the look he received, he stuck his tongue out at the other. “I’ve done dare, like, five times in a row now, sorry for wanting to mix things up!”

“Fine, fine, whatever, um…have you ever…um, broken a bone?”

“I’ve broken my foot, like, three times,” Hinata laughed. “The first time was waaay back in elementary, when this kid told me I couldn’t climb a tree higher because I was—“ he faltered.

Kageyama raised an eyebrow.

“Because I was shorter than him,” he continued a bit lamely. “Except then I climbed _too_ high and couldn’t get down. I had to jump ‘cause recess was ending, and went to class with a broken foot.”

Kageyama snorted. “Sounds like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hinata glared at him, but after only getting a shrug in response, he leaned back and let it go. “So, truth or dare?”

“…Truth.”

“And _you_ were fussing at _me_ for choosing that,” he noted, sounding entirely too amused.

“Yeah, whatever, just ask me something already.”

Hinata thought for a moment, tapping his chin with his finger. He looked up at the ceiling as if that would give him the answer, but Kageyama guessed it must’ve helped, because when he turned his eyes back to the other, he asked, “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

The dark haired boy blinked. “What?”

“Have you had your first kiss?” Hinata elaborated.

“That’s a stupid thing to ask,” Kageyama mumbled. “You can pretty much figure the answer out by yourself.”

For some reason, he felt Hinata’s mood drop, although he saw no outward signs of it. “So you have then?” He scratched his head. “Aww, man, if I haven’t had mine before you—“

“What? No, of course I haven’t!” Kageyama gave him a skeptical look. “What makes you assume I would have?”

Hinata shrugged. “I dunno, you’re like—the mysterious type, all tall and dark and handsome like girls always say they want in a guy, you know?”

“ _’Mysterious_ type’?!”

He nodded seriously. “Yeah! Like, you don’t really talk in class and all that, and you kind of keep to yourself, so to anyone else it just looks like you’re Mister Super Sexy Mysterious Manly Man Dude with like eight girlfriends.”

Kageyama was sure he would’ve done a spit-take had he been drinking anything. “Did you _really_ just call me that?”

Hinata blinked, unabashed. “Which part?”

“Oh my god.”

He snickered, finding Kageyama’s embarrassment funny, before confirming, “So you’ve _never_ kissed anyone before?”

“That’s what I just said, yeah.”

“How come?”

Kageyama scowled, unhappy with the topic, and crossed his arms, fidgeting in his spot unintentionally. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people at our school don’t seem to really… _like_ me very much.”

Hinata actually giggled at that. “Pfft, sure, yeah, and I’m not on the volleyball team. Have you not _heard_ a lot of the girls talking about you?”

“What?” He narrowed his eyes, suddenly intrigued but still confused. “No, what do you mean? Girls talk about me?”

“Yeah, like, all the time!” The redhead rolled his eyes. “There are these two in our Algebra class that just never shut up about you, it’s so annoying, and I thought one of them was gonna ask you out this weekend, but I guess not, unless you got confessed to and just said no.”

“No. I…” He looked away. The topic was making him weirdly flustered. “No.”

Seeming to realize his friend’s embarrassment, Hinata sighed loudly, turning the conversation to be about him and not Kageyama. “ _Maaan_ , I wish girls would talk about _me_ like that. I’m too short for any of them to think of me as a boyfriend.”

“You’ve never had a girl confess?”

“Pfft, no, I’m pretty sure most of the girls in our grade just think I’m gay. Plus I’m not exactly taller than a lot of them so—”

Kageyama’s breathing had stopped. “You’re gay?”

“What?” The shorter broke off from what he was saying. “No, most of them just think I am. I mean, I’m…” He looked down and bit his lip. Kageyama felt his uncertainty and hesitation, and chose to wait patiently, despite his pounding heart.

He tried for a small smile, but he still wouldn’t meet Kageyama’s eyes. “I mean, I’m bi, so they’re not entirely wrong, I guess.”

“…Oh.”

Sneaking a glance at him, Hinata asked, voice low, “Does that…bother you?”

“What? No!” It was Kageyama’s turn to look away. “No, that doesn’t bother me at all, I’m…”

_I’m what?_ What had he been about to say?

“I’m okay with it,” he finished lamely. The ginger gave a shrug in response, acting nonchalant, but the way his mood shifted from anxious to relaxed gave him away for being more worried about it than he was letting on.

The game more or less dissolved after that, because they’d been playing for quite some time, and it seemed like there wasn’t ever going to be a clear winner. Both of them refused to back down to a dare or question, and while Kageyama could think of a few questions that could probably ensure his victory, he wasn’t sure how comfortable with asking them he was, especially with how…weird he’d been acting all night.

So he let it stay at a tie, and the two started to get ready to sleep. Hinata ensured him that he was probably going to be up for a while, but he needed to try to rest anyway, since he had volleyball that next afternoon, so they ended up getting ready at around ten thirty.

Hinata shuffled where he stood nervously, not meeting the other’s eyes as he asked, “Is there a guest room I could sleep in or something?”

Kageyama blinked. He had been planning on them sharing a room and just setting out a futon for the boy. “Uh, yeah, sure, why?”

“I just…kind of like my privacy.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and added with a small grin, “Besides, I bet you’d snore super loud and keep me up all night.”

“Would not,” Kageyama halfheartedly retorted, but he was already leading his friend down the hall to their spare room. After letting him into the room and setting up the bed for him (“Be a good host tonight, Tobio!” his mother had said as a reminder), Hinata had smiled brightly and set his things down, saying something to indicate that it was time for Kageyama to leave.

“Night, Bakageyama,” he called, still smiling even though he radiated something akin to nervousness.

“Yeah, uh. ‘Night,” Kageyama mumbled to a closed door. He had a bit of trouble sleeping that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /yELLS kags had wet dreams abt hinata pls punch me in the faa c e


	9. always getting recognized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was weird to think those kinds of things about his friend, he determined. His male friend. Who was staying the whole weekend with him. And whom he’d had a dream about having sex with.  
> He’d dreamt about having sex with Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is unedited af but like here u go anyway
> 
> featuring kags's wet dreams and hinatas dramatic yet somehow vaguely anticlimatic reveal
> 
> also: upd8ing thursday night/friday morning instead of fright night/saturday morning like i usualyl wld b/c im gonna be busy tomorrow night and i already had inspiration so i spit this out real quick for yall <3

Kageyama woke up with a weird sense of guilt bubbling in his gut.

He was panting, and his hands were sweaty, and the sheets were sticking to his skin, but he couldn’t remember his dream. It took a minute to calm his breathing, which did nothing to dull his curiosity about what had caused that reaction. When he rolled over to grab his phone, he found that it was still only five A.M., which meant he’d woken up close enough to his normal time that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, but not close enough so that he could actually get anything productive done. He groaned and flopped back on his bed, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep.

As expected, he couldn’t. He’d never been able to fall asleep after he woke up, and this time was no exception, although it certainly didn’t help that he was still trying to remember what he’d dreamt about. It could’ve been a nightmare, as those weren’t uncommon, but he almost always remembered what happened in them—usually he remembered too well, honestly—so he found it odd that he wouldn’t this time.

After ten more minutes of staring at the ceiling, he decided to get out of bed and take a shower or something. It wasn’t until he shifted to stand up that he noticed the wetness in his sweatpants.

_Now,_ of all times? He flushed and silently thanked the fact that Hinata had decided to sleep in a different room. That. Could’ve ended…badly. He took a hot shower and half hoped he wouldn’t recall what exactly it had been about.

The guilt he’d been feeling didn’t make sense until he was sitting down with Hinata for breakfast, his mother having already gone to work. They were seated at the isle’s bar stools, eating cereal, when Hinata, being still half-asleep and unable to function correctly, yawned and dropped his spoon on the floor.

“Dammit,” he mumbled, rubbing the sleepiness from his eye as he slid off the seat and leaned down to pick it up. His nightshirt slid up as he moved, and the large portion of skin sent a jolt through Kageyama, who then wondered why he’d been looking there in the first place.

So the guilt had made sense then. Kageyama swallowed thickly and stood up. “I’ll get you another spoon,” he said, taking the old one from Hinata, and when their hands brushed, he jumped back like the contact had burnt him.

Thankfully, the boy was far too out of it to notice Kageyama’s strange behavior, so he just bit the inside of his cheek and set the spoon with the rest of the dirty dishes. He handed a new one to his guest and rushed to sit back down.

“Th’nks,” Hinata mumbled groggily, his words slurred and _dammit_ that should not have been cute. The small sigh he gave afterwards shouldn’t have been cute either, honestly, nor the way he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles and leaned his cheek on the palm of his hand, but it _was_ for some stupid reason, and Kageyama looked away.

“Just don’t drop this one, stupid,” he answered instead of saying something _really_ dumb, like _I like your freckles_ or _your voice is cute when you’re tired._ He fidgeted where he sat, scowling at his bowl of cereal, barely touched. It was weird to think those kinds of things about his friend, he determined. His male friend. Who was staying the whole weekend with him. And whom he’d had a dream about having sex with.

He’d dreamt about having sex with Hinata.

Yeah. That.

That happened.

There was another lump in his throat. He took a long drink of his milk, quietly thankful that Hinata wasn’t prone to conversation in the morning like he’d imagined he’d be. When Kageyama originally thought about it, he’d figured Hinata would’ve been a ray of sunshine in the morning, all chirpy and bubbly and ready to start the day, never shutting up like normal.

Kageyama snuck a glance at the other, who was nodding off on the counter, cereal half eaten. Thank god he’d been so completely wrong.

“Can I go back t’ sleep now?” Hinata tried to ask, sliding off his seat as Kageyama stood up too.

“You have volleyball practice today,” he reminded him, feeling like he was dealing with a small child.

The redhead blinked blearily, seeming confused about this information. “Do I?”

“You’re the one on the team, why’re you asking me?” Despite how annoyed his words sounded, Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to put any heart into that. His head was bouncing, still thinking about that stupid dream and Hinata’s stupid voice and the sounds his imagination had come up with, and the image of Hinata, flushed and panting, came to mind and he was going to have one hell of a headache later god fucking _dammit_.

“Oh.” Hinata shuffled back towards the staircase. “Are—“ he cut himself off with a yawn. “Are you gonna see me off?”

Kageyama’s immediate response was _yes_ before he realized that that had been poor phrasing and Hinata had not at all meant what he’d thought he’d meant for a split second. He flushed with shame at his momentary slip, but hoped the other wouldn’t notice. “I guess? Do you need me to?”

The redhead nodded, beginning to wake up a little, and started up the stairs. “’M gonna go get dressed ‘nd stuff, tell me when you’re ready to leave ‘nd all.”

Kageyama nodded, watching him retreat. “Okay,” he answered feebly, and then he was left to his own devices, and that guilt was so _strong._

It was…creepy at best to be thinking those things about his _completely platonic_ friend, and some part of him felt like he was somehow taking advantage of the other just by having those thoughts, even though he, of course, would never say them out loud, let alone act on them.

He felt gross. Dirty, sort of. Some part of him told him he was a pervert for thinking that stuff, even though it was all just because of his stupid teenage hormones and stupid wet dreams that had _nothing_ to do with _actual_ Hinata and everything to do with his sexual frustration and loneliness. Yeah. That sounded. Correct. He didn’t have any interest in Hinata; it just happened that he was his only friend at the moment (or ever), so of course there wouldn’t be anyone else to put in place of his subconscious’ sexual fantasies.

It made sense.

Kind of.

And it wasn’t like he was thinking those things on purpose, of course, and it wasn’t his fault that Hinata had made such an ambiguously sexual noise the other day. It was normal to have dreams like that about friends. So there wasn’t any need for him to make a big deal out of the situation or make things between them awkward or something stupid like that—it was fine. And even if it wasn’t fine, Hinata didn’t know, so it was still fine.

Everything. Was fine.

(The image came again, a distant, hazy memory of the dream, with Hinata’s mouth dropped open, a whisper of Kageyama’s name on his lip, eyes screwed shut, writhing beneath the other, hands on the his shoulders while he—)

(— _Stop it._ )

It was going to be a long weekend.

 

\--

 

Hinata was actually awake by the time Kageyama had finished getting ready to leave. For some reason, he’d agreed to drop him off at his practice, because Hinata had done that stupid pouty face while whining something about introducing him to his friends or whatever, and it was so annoying and weirdly endearing that Kageyama ended up caving.

The bike ride there wasn’t silent like their breakfast had been, as Hinata was trying to talk over the roar of their pedaling, but after a while he got frustrated with how difficult it was, so he just challenged the other to a race and that was that really. Kageyama lost and almost told Hinata that it didn’t count because he was distracted, but then he realized he’d have to explain what he was distracted by, so he took the unfair loss in stride and let it go, even as Hinata whooped in victory and fist-pumped the air.

“I’ve beaten you twice this weekend!” Hinata cheered.

Kageyama made a face. “Twice?”

“Yeah, at Truth or Dare last night, and then just now. Two.” He helped up two fingers and grinned.

“You did _not_ beat me at Truth or Dare, we decided it was a tie!”

Hinata stuck his tongue out at him. “Yeah, well, we both know I would’ve one anyway if we’d kept going.”

The scowl he received could make flowers wilt, but his mood didn’t even shift a little, too used to it by then. “That’s not how ties work and you know it.”

“Oh, don’t be a sore loser, Kageyama!” He laughed, parking his bike and beginning to make his way into the gym. Sensing his hesitation in following him, Hinata nodded towards the doors, indicating that he should come inside. “They’ll still be setting up,” he explained, “so I’m sure Daichi won’t mind me introducing you.”

“Okay,” Kageyama found himself agreeing, even though his heart had started pounding too hard in his chest, _thump-thump-thump-ing_ so badly it almost hurt. Breathing was getting difficult; he hadn’t been in a gym since the last time he’d played—

There was a hand on his, and when he looked up, Hinata was smiling reassuringly, all warmth and that emotion he still didn’t have a name for. “C’mon,” he said gently, much too gently for someone who’d just whooped in excitement from apparently having kicked his ass twice that weekend, and he tugged him along inside the gym.

The wave of nostalgia hit him instantly, and somewhere he thought dryly, _well, it’s better than thinking about that dream,_ even as his chest clenched, his hand following suit where it was still being held by Hinata. Hinata squeezed back and waved excitedly to someone.

“Noya-senpai!” he called, and “Noya-senpai” came bounding over. He was shorter than Hinata, which really was a rare occasion, with dark spikey hair and bleached bangs, unruly but somehow still stylish. He radiated way too much energy and excitement for someone who was up that early.

“Hey, Hinata!” He smiled, hands on his hips, before looking at Kageyama. “Who’s this?” he asked, looking him up and down.

“This is Kageyama-kun,” Hinata introduced, and the other pretended not to notice how he only ever added _kun_ when introducing him to people.

“Oh, Suga talked about him the other day!” Noya said, realization to excitement again. His emotions seemed to bounce off the walls, and it was a bit difficult to keep up with—there weren’t any conflicting ones like with Hinata, but they were still just so _loud_ and _prominent_ that it made it hard to think correctly.

“Oh! Kageyama, this is Nishinoya-senpai.” Hinata turned to him expectantly, and Kageyama dropped his hand quickly when he felt the upperclassman’s eyes trained one where they’d been connected. Suspicion and then realization again, and then he was grinning widely like he knew something neither of them knew.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Kageyama tried to say as to be polite, but Noya didn’t even seem to be paying attention, too busy waving over to someone behind them, and then beckoning them over.

There was a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder and he stiffened.

“Oi, who’s this kid?” the owner of the hand said.

“Kageyama-kun,” Nishinoya answered, wiggling his eyebrows. “Kageyama-kun” narrowed his eyes at him.

The hand disappeared from his shoulder and another boy stepped into view, shorter than him but much taller than Nishinoya, with a shaved head and wicked grin. He radiated something mellower, although it still followed the same vein as Noya. He figured they were probably good friends, with how their emotions seemed to react to each other, even when just having a conversation.

“So _this_ is Kageyama,” he said thoughtfully, and glanced at Hinata, still grinning. “Suga mentioned—“

Judging from the shift in the redhead’s emotions, whatever he was about to say wasn’t going to particularly be fun, but he never got to finish it, because the captain called them over and Kageyama had to leave. He said his goodbyes and mumbled something to Hinata about going home.

Hinata nodded, smiled again, and bounced off to the clubhouse to get changed. Kageyama sighed.

 

\--

 

He didn’t go home as he’d said he would. Their practice was only supposed to last a couple of hours, and there was a shopping center near the school, a much closer bike than going all the way back home would be. He figured it would be easier to hang out there until Hinata was done and then he would go back, instead of going all the way home and then there and back again. It was lucky he remembered to bring his wallet.

So he ended up spending some amount of time getting something to eat and then just sort of dicking around, wasting time. His mother texted him and asked how he was doing. He told her he was fine. She said she’d be home in time for dinner. He said okay.

Antsy, he started heading back to the gym earlier than he really needed to, although he didn’t dare go inside and interrupt their practice. Even if he’d not known how bad of an idea that was, it still kind of hurt to watch volleyball, especially when he knew that he would’ve been on that team had he been allowed to play. He thought, not for the first time, that being an empath was a lot less cool than it seemed to be made out to be.

Right as he was getting off his bike, residing himself to waiting there for them to get finished, he saw the gym doors open and Hinata, Yamaguchi, and Noya walked out, apparently on their way to the club house, although why they were changing before everyone else seemed to be, he didn’t know.

None of them seemed to notice Kageyama standing there. Hinata was smiling brightly at something Yamaguchi had said, wiping his brow with the back of his hand and taking a large drink from his water bottle. Kageyama watched his throat as he swallowed, feeling a bit like a creep.

The thing that caught his attention the most, though, was the lack of flat chest Hinata seemed to have. His shirt was sticking to his body from sweat, and even after he pulled it away to air it out for a moment, there was still that crease, the dip that couldn’t be from anything else but a bra. But why would he need—? 

It took a moment, but then something clicked, the way Hinata had been acting that weekend and, thinking back on it, a few instances before, and Kageyama wasn’t stupid—or ignorant, for that matter, so he knew what that meant. The issue was that he didn’t know what it meant now that he knew. His immediate reaction was to want to ask why Hinata’d never told him, did he not trust Kageyama with something as big as that? But he realized that if he’d never been told then he probably wasn’t supposed to know.

Except. He _did_ know, now.

He turned around and biked out of there as fast as possible.


	10. sever the ties, cut me out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hit him like a freight train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MMMM Warning theres some vaguely explicit stuff in this chapter (kags jerkin off, woooooo) so if u dont wanna read that just like. skip ovr it. it's not super important to the plot im just nasty af and wrote it anyway
> 
> i think ive decided this fic will have (approx) 15 chapters? so weve got 5 more to go. and even then ill probably end up writing lil one shots w/i this verse bc i wanna write a smut scene with them but im not entirely sure ill be able to fit that into the fic, so i might just do a one shot and have it b in the empath verse 
> 
> the first song used for the chap titles of this fic (and also the inspo for the name of the song) is pressure by the 1975 but i ran out of lyrics lol so now im using lyrics from bad blood by bear's den
> 
> PLAYLIST FOR THIS FIC: http://8tracks.com/calliopinaround/broken-veins

Kageyama tried his best to avoid Hinata at pretty much all costs for the rest of the day. He got home only ten or so minutes after Kageyama did, smiling widely as he entered the house, taking his shoes off at the door and calling, “I’m back!” before making his way into the kitchen.

From his position in the living room, Kageyama could hear the boy rummaging around, presumably for something to eat. He tried to sneak out of the room and up the stairs to hopefully avoid the other for a while, at least until he could get his thoughts clear, but he’d never been particularly lucky.

“Oi, Kageyama!” Hinata called from where he was leaning against the isle counter. “Have you had lunch yet?”

“Um.” He tried his best to seem normal. “No, not yet.”

Hinata hummed and pushed off the counter, his back turned to the other as he opened the fridge and leaned down to look for something. “I’m about to make something, you want anything?” He asked, voice slightly muffled.

“No, I’m—“ Kageyama swallowed. That dream was still bothering him, and Hinata was bent over wearing _really_ short shorts and— “I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” Hinata seemed to have found what he was looking for, as he pulled a container from the fridge and set it on the counter nearest him. “I promise I don’t suck _that_ bad at cooking!” He grinned good-naturedly. “My mom used to teach me so I can make a few meals super well, and Yachi’s been—”

“It’s fine,” Kageyama interrupted him. “I’m going to go take a nap.”

The redhead blinked, taken aback by the interruption, but he said nothing on it if it bothered him. “O-okay.”

Kageyama turned and all but bolted out of the room.

 

\--

 

For what it was worth, he did actually end up taking a nap like he’d said he would. It wasn’t at all pleasant; he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling, for a good half hour before drifting off, anxious still underneath his attempt at relaxing.

And what’s worse, he had another one of those dreams.

Even though he only remembered some of the first one, he could tell this one was different—it started out with him playing volleyball with his old team with Hinata there for whatever reason. They played together like they would when they hung out at the park, except then the court and rest of the players melted into the background and it was just the two of them, and Hinata was cupping Kageyama’s cheeks with his palms gently and leaning in for a sweet kiss—until suddenly it wasn’t, and they were half naked in the locker room and Hinata was on his lap and—

He woke up hard, the anxiety replaced by seething, bubbling guilt that made him want to tear his own hair out.

He rolled over and winced when he could feel the proof of his dream all too well. One dream was enough to chalk it up to teenage hormones and a lack of a successful sexual outlet. Two dreams were weird, but he could probably pass it off as the same thing.

His problem then was that he had a feeling he would have a third one, and a third one…well, there wasn’t much of an excuse he could use for that one outside of genuine interest in the boy, and for some reason the thought that he could _like_ Hinata like that, or at least want to do stuff with him, made him squirm under his bed sheets, face hot and something like shame and a need to cry curling up his throat, making it hard to breathe.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t admit that Hinata was attractive, because Lord knew just how many times that had been proven over and over again, but the idea of having a crush on him was…scary.

Scary because he’d never had a friend like this before, one who actually cared about him enough to make him tea and calm him down from a panic attack and hold his hand when he started feeling like he was going to overload. He’d never had much experience with friends before to begin with, but he would’ve liked to think that Hinata was a pretty good one, even though he called Kageyama an asshole and made fun of him sometimes.

And despite how many times Kageyama called him stupid and yelled at him and got in dumb arguments with him, he still…really, really liked being around him. More so than he liked to admit. And he liked the fact that Hinata texted him all the time, that Hinata forced them to take selfies because that’s “what best friends do,” that Hinata invited him over almost every day and got in trouble with the Algebra teacher for talking too much to Kageyama when he should’ve been paying attention and told his teammates all about him to the point where they already seemed fond of Kageyama just from Hinata’s words and looked at him with wide, brown eyes, radiating so much awe and fondness that Kageyama felt like he might explode. And when they were together, he always seemed so full of so much—so much—so much _love_ that Kageyama had never experienced with _anyone_ before, he’d never gotten that emotion from _anyone before,_ he’d never wanted it from anyone, anyone else, only Hinata—

It hit him like a freight train.

He really, _really_ liked Hinata.

 

\--

 

(Kageyama got out from bed after a while of sitting there in his revelation, and once he could breathe again and think well enough to make any decisions, he got up and locked his bedroom door before padding back to his bed and slipping under the covers once more.

When he started touching himself, it wasn’t because he wanted to so much as because he didn’t think he could wait out his arousal; honestly he just wanted it to be _over,_ and this was the quickest way.

He told himself this, buried under his sheets, feeling like he would get caught any moment, feeling like Hinata would somehow _know_ that he was doing this and think he was disgusting and leave him.

Once his mind relaxed enough to actually enjoy anything, it immediately drifted to images of the redhead, no matter how many times he tried to focus on stuff he’d seen at three A.M. in a horny stupor via bad porn websites, stuff he’d seen getting passed around during school between boys his age, images of tiny girls in tinier skirts with stockings and high voices.

And no matter how many times he tried to think about girls in lacy underwear and bras to match and hair down their back, the image of his friend from the dream—grinding on his lap in the middle of the locker room and laughing at him when he made a strange noise, that happy giggle where his eyes scrunched shut and his freckles moved and he flashed white, white teeth, and wrapping his arms around Kageyama’s shoulders and pressing open-mouthed kisses to his neck, sucking on his collarbone and pulling the breathe out of him—always showed up again.

He came while thinking about Hinata, the way he’d looked that morning all drowsy and sleepy in shorts way too short for him, the way he’d laughed at Kageyama the other day for nearly tripping down the stairs, the way his eyes lit up and his emotions changed when Kageyama talked about himself, the way he’d moaned the other night and the blush that had spread afterwards, and Kageyama’s imagination did a good job of filling in gaps, and the uncertainty of it—would he be too loud, would he be shy or grip too tight, would he laugh too much or bite his lip—only served to help his cause.

He sat there panting for a moment feeling like he wanted to throw up.

He’d jerked off to Hinata and the guilt seeped in only seconds after he could breathe again. He wanted to strangle himself.)

 

\--

 

“Kageyama!”

After that, Kageyama had all but fallen back asleep, putting himself in a thankfully dreamless slumber, spent even just from that, and he hardly remembered his guilt as he blinked his eyes open to the knock on his door.

“Kageyama!” Hinata called from the other side of the door again, continuing to knock because he knew good and well that would annoy the other.

“What?” Kageyama snapped and then immediately regretted the harsh tone he’d used.

If the boy had noticed his rudeness, he said nothing, and his mood and voice stayed steady as he asked, “Can I come in?”

His immediate reaction was panic and the urge to scream _hell no_ before he remembered he was supposed to be acting normal, and that was particularly abnormal of him, seeing as he obviously hadn’t had any problem with Hinata being in his room the night before.

So instead, he scrambled out of bed and tried to answer, “Gimme a second!” before cleaning up the mess he’d fallen asleep with and changing pants (and underwear). He tripped trying to pull his pants up, falling with a thud and a loud curse.

“You okay?” Hinata called, sounding like he was hiding laughter.

“I’m—um, fine,” Kageyama answered. His voice cracked. He zipped his pants up and threw open the door.

Hinata stood in his doorway wearing those stupidly short shorts still, a bowl of popcorn in his arms. “Hey!” He chirped.

“Uh, hi.” Kageyama glanced behind the smaller boy, fidgeting where he stood.

“You finally woke up, huh? I didn’t take you for the type to sleep in the middle of the day,” he commented honestly.

Kageyama scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, that’s a…new thing.”

He snickered a little. “I can tell. You seem groggy.”

Guilt bubbled up in the darker haired boy’s stomach. Here was Hinata, thinking he’d genuinely been sleeping that entire time, while Kageyama had been masturbating to a stupid fantasy of his best friend. He felt sick suddenly, but managed a quieter than intended, “Yeah.”

Thankfully, Hinata’s mood shifted, and he seemed to realize how uncomfortable Kageyama was feeling, as he changed the conversation suddenly. “Your mom called and said she’d be late getting home tonight, like nine or ten, so we’ve got to make dinner ourselves, and we’ve got, like, eight hours to do whatever. Do you wanna go watch a movie or something?”

“No.” He didn’t even think about the answer. A movie meant being alone with Hinata in an enclosed space for two plus hours, maybe touching because he knew for a fact his couch was barely big enough for the two of them, maybe with the lights off so Hinata’s face would only be illuminated by the glow of the TV screen, maybe sharing a blanket and body heat because Hinata almost always ended up sitting too close for comfort, and all these things meant he could _not_ watch a movie with him, despite his temptation to.

“Aww, c’mon!” The ginger whined. “We have all day to do whatever, and it was boring enough just while you were asleep! Come and do something with me!”

He shook his head firmly. He was supposed to be _avoiding_ Hinata, not being in close proximity with him for a good two and a half hours straight. “No.”

“You’re so mean, Bakageyama.” He frowned deeply, thinking. After a moment, he seemed to come up with something, because he looked up at the taller between his eyelashes, bottom lip jutting out while he asked in the smallest voice he’d used that day, “Please? Just one?”

“…”

Noticing Kageyama’s hesitation still, he added with a small smile, all soft light and those big brown eyes, “I’ll even let you pick this time!”

And dammit. Dammit. _Dammit._ There wasn’t any way he could say no to that, was there? Of course there wasn’t. Kageyama had only realized he liked him for a good two hours and he was already whipped as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrel8d to the ending of this fic, a few things i wanted to tell yall b/c why not:
> 
> since its already been Revealed that hinata is trans, im gonna go ahead and explain the hints ive been dropping in case u havent gotten them
> 
> -tea thing is indeed for cramps (@those of u that guessed it, u get several highfives)  
> -hinata gets anxiety attacks sometimes on days where he ends up Rlly dysphoric and he like has anxiety outside of that too but its amplified by dysphoria so yep  
> -his back hurting was from wearing his binder too much (bind safely kids)  
> -he was abt to say "because i was a girl" when talking abt breaking his arm, but obvs kags didnt kno so he changed it last sec  
> -wanting to sleep alone was b/c he cant wear his binder to sleep so hed have to take it off  
> -yama and noya r trans boys too; they change b4 evry1 else does in the locker room b/c they change from sports bras to binders and like they dont want the other boys to c titties so like yep (also yes they were both wearing sports bras when they left the gym but kags is gay and in luv and was only paying attention to hina which is why he didnt notice)  
> -also not rlly mentioned in this fic but my own lil headcanon; part of why kags is so confused abt hinas emotions is b/c sometimes he can tell the dysphoria and hes never felt that on a person before so he has no idea what to call it


	11. keep my wolves from your door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama wanted to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO CHILDREN ITS ANGST TIME
> 
> sorry for not uploading this yesterday :^O i wrote abt half of this chapter before passing out at my laptop, but i actlly kind of like this chappie so i think it was worth it to wait and not post anything half-assed 
> 
> ALSO: im debating updating less often so that i can drag this fic out more? like that sounds so sell-out-y, but i love it so much i dont want it to be over w/i two or three weeks, but i also don't wanna make it super long b/c im afraid itll cheapen the (already p cheap) plot ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ what do yall think?
> 
> double also im 99.99999% sure im gonna be writing a smut for this fic as a one-shot still within the empath verse b/c i RLYL wanna write the first time they sex it up but i dont wanna put it in this fic b/c from the way things seem to be panning out, i wont b able to shove that in there w/o it seeming rushed and unrealistic :'( but! look forward to the smut thing! ill probs write it once ive finished this fic but like lol who knows amirite

Kageyama ended up choosing some popular American action movie or something for them to watch. He honestly hadn’t been paying that much attention when he’d chosen it, too busy trying to get this whole situation over with. All he wanted to do was be left alone for a while; the time he’d had earlier evidently didn’t help much, since his head was no clearer. If anything, it had only made it worse. He sighed and fixed himself a cup of tea to help with his headache.

When he came back to the living room, mug in hand, Hinata had already started the movie, the previews beginning to play as he pulled a blanket tight around himself and settled into one side of the couch. Kageyama did his best to sit as far away from the other as he could without seeming suspiciously uncomfortable. If Hinata noticed, he said nothing.

Somewhere between the previews and the first couple of minutes of the movie, Hinata had managed to un-sprawl from his blanket burrito already, stretching his legs out so that his feet where in Kageyama’s lap, who hurriedly pushed them off in response only a second later.

Hinata frowned at him, shoved a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth, and moved his feet back again.

“Stop it,” Kageyama growled, and he felt Hinata’s curiosity spike suddenly.

“Why?”

“What?”

“You’ve never had a problem with me putting my feet in your lap before,” Hinata observed innocently, doing his dumb head tilt thing.

Kageyama felt his eye twitch, but still, he was right; even though he’d never taken the initiative to have this sort of contact before, Hinata was a very…physical person, and always found a way to have their skin be touching somehow when they sat next to each other. One of these ways was through putting his feet in Kageyama’s lap, but it hadn’t bothered him until now.

“…Just…just don’t, okay?” He finally answered after a few moments of being unable to come up with a better response than that.

He must of heard the silent plea in the other’s voice, because Hinata’s mood shifted, dropped a little, and his face betrayed nothing as he removed his feet and curled himself back into his blanket cocoon.

They sat in silence for the rest of the movie, neither saying anything to each other, although Hinata did a great job at being outwardly invested in the movie, gasping and laughing and holding his breath at all the right times. Kageyama thought it was a pretty boring movie, with an overused plot line and stale characters, but the other boy seemed to be enjoying himself, so he sat through it anyway.

It wasn’t until the credits were rolling that Hinata sat up from his spot, stretched widely, sighed, and turned to Kageyama to say anything. “Kageyama?”

“What?”

“I’ve been thinking about your—ability-thing,” he started. “And I was wondering if, like…” He backpedaled, changing what he’d been about to say. “Well, you never answered those questions from a while ago.”

An eyebrow drew up. “What questions?”

“The ones from before, about all the technical stuff—like what you do if you’re in a big group of people or at what point can you start sensing somebody or whatever.” The hand motions had been broken out, and he used them generously as he spoke. “You never answered any of those, ‘cause you said you’d only answer one and I chose to ask what it was like instead of any of the other ones I wanted to know about. But we’re friends now and stuff—and I get it if it’s not something you like talking about—but! I want to know what the answers are.”

Kageyama blinked and thought about the best way to respond. “Um,” he ended up saying instead. “What—what do you want to know most, I guess?”

Hinata tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully, and Kageyama felt him debating between a few things, seemingly unable to choose one. “First of all,” he answered finally, “what happens when you’re with a bunch of people?”

“It’s…really kind of painful,” he admitted. “I mean, depending on what the group is doing. Something like a wedding wouldn’t hurt because no one’s really doing anything dangerous, but it’d give me a really bad headache from all the emotions. A…a sports event would hurt way worse, because the players would be getting hurt too along with the—the change in emotions in everyone else.” He shrugged. “I already tended to avoid crowds anyway. It’s no big deal.”

Sometime between talking, Hinata had managed to scoot his way closer to the other without being noticed. “Have you ever been to a concert?”

Kageyama shook his head and moved backwards in a way that he hoped was subtle, but Hinata followed, seemingly oblivious to his avoidance of contact. “Well…then when do you start being able to, like, sense someone?”

“I don’t really know.” He shrugged, looking anywhere but at the other. “A hundred feet maybe? It depends on the person and the, uh, emotions.” God, why was being around Hinata so _difficult_ now? Why did his stupid brain have to do this kind of stuff just because he figured out he liked him?

“Hmm,” Hinata hummed in response pensively. His emotions were all over the place, but he kept his eyes on a spot right next to where Kageyama’s hand rested on the couch arm. “Then….can you control it?”

“Control it?”

He nodded. “Yeah, like, control what aspects you feel and who’s you’re feeling, I guess.”

Kageyama thought about it for a moment. He’d never really thought about what happened when he zoned in on one person’s emotions, if it made others fade or just that one’s more visible, or if he could control what parts of their emotions he let affect himself, because he’d been doing that all his life and it was nearly second nature now. “Kind of? I don’t really know.”

Hinata looked away, shifted closer. “Do you think you could practice it on me?”

“… _What?_ ” Damn brain took that the wrong way. He willed his cheeks to stop heating up.

“I want to know if there’s a way that you can control your powers or whatever, it’s super important that I know if you can. So if you don’t know or can’t remember, you can practice on me right now, right?”

He rolled his eyes, more to seem annoyed and take away from his embarrassment than anything. “Dumbass, I can’t do that if you’re the only one here.”

Hinata’s nose scrunched up in distaste. “Damn. I guess you’ll have to wait ‘til Monday at school or something.”

He suddenly realized just how close Hinata had gotten and scrambled back as casually as one can when scrambling. “Y-yeah. Monday.”

“Your voice cracked,” the redhead pointed out with a grin.

“Shut up, dumbass!”

That head tilt again. “Your face is a lot less scary when you’re all blushy, did you know that?”

He snickered while Kageyama spluttered in response, not capable of forming words yet, and when he could, he couldn’t think of much else to say (splutter, more accurately) except, “I am _not_ blushing!”

“You’re doing it right noooow,” Hinata singsonged. “See, it’s getting worse!”

“Asshole!”

The ginger laughed, full and loud and happy in response, and the sound calmed him down enough to be able to form coherent words. “My face isn’t scary to begin with,” he tried to defend himself, but it sounded like a lie, even to him, and the fact that he was grumbling didn’t really help him to be any more convincing.

Hinata made a face like he pitied him. “…Sure,” he said carefully. Kageyama scowled, and he smiled back. “It’s not that bad, usually. Most of the time you’re just…”

“…Just…?”

“Never mind.” He stood up abruptly before Kageyama could protest. “I’m getting more popcorn, you want any?”

“What were you about to say?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, choosing to ignore Kageyama and head to the cabinet that he knew the popcorn container would be in. He pulled a bag out of the box and shoved it into the microwave. “Nooothing.”

“Bullshit, ‘ _nothing_ ,’ what were you going to say?”

The sound of buttons being pushed answered Kageyama from the couch. He sighed. Hinata was so annoyingly stubborn.

“Whatever,” he mumbled, and there was silence minus Hinata humming something until the microwave beeped again, signaling the popcorn was done. He dumped it all in a bowl and came back to the couch.

“Can I pick the movie this time?” He asked. Kageyama scowled.

“I never agreed to watching another one.”

He blinked, like he’d not actually considered that until just then. “Oh.” He nibbled on a kernel. “Well, we can play Smash Bros instead.”

“I…” Kageyama fumbled for an excuse for a second. “I—can’t.”

“Why not?”

When he couldn’t come up with a better response, he stood up a bit more aggressively than he’d intended and stalked his way past Hinata to head upstairs. He wanted to be alone. He _needed_ to be alone, or at least away from Hinata if nothing else. His head hurt. His chest hurt a bit too, but he couldn’t tell what exactly it was from, since he didn’t even have a valid reason to be upset about anything.

( _Hinata hadn’t told him, Hinata hadn’t told him, Hinata hadn’t even_ mentioned _it, did he not trust him enough, did he not care about him enough, did he not think it was important, of course it was important it was about Hinata everything about him was important, he wasn’t stupid enough to think that something like that wouldn’t matter to him or affect him, why didn’t he_ trust him _—)_

“None of your business,” he snapped, but it was half-hearted, and the redhead knew him too well to not catch the lack of venom the phrase possessed.

“You’re avoiding me.”

Kageyama stopped in his tracks. He glanced at the other; felt his heart beating in his chest, willed his pulse to slow down, tried to ignore that anxiety that flared up. “…What makes you think that?”

Hinata frowned at him, eyebrows drawn together. Anger, and a little bit of sadness. Confusion, mostly. Worry. “I’m not _that_ stupid, Kageyama.”

“…Well, apparently you are, because I’m not avoiding you,” he started up the stairs again and didn’t turn around the see the frown on the smaller boy’s face. He pretended to not pick up on how genuinely upset Hinata was, on the way his emotions shifted down, down, down. He’d upset him.

Kageyama wanted to be alone.

 

\--

 

The rest of the night was awkward. He spent quite a while doing nothing but biding his time and trying his hardest to avoid confrontation with the other resident of his house. He had to forgo dinner because he was too much of a wimp to take the chance of seeing Hinata down there. He couldn’t get how Hinata had felt out of his head, the sadness and a little bit of something like rejection ( _Kageyama knew that one well_ ) that had been present under layers of annoyance and confusion and a little bit of anger.

Kageyama had caused that. He’d never felt Hinata direct a negative emotion at him before. He’d never felt himself be the cause of that. It made his chest hurt worse.

( _No wonder he didn’t tell me, actually, I’m being a shit friend, I should’ve just told him even though he would’ve ended up hating me or something, but that’s better than him being upset over me, I’d rather him be mad at me than sad at all, anger is better than sadness, hatred is better than sadness—_ but regardless of how many times he told himself this, there was a part of him that clung to the lack of hatred that had been present, screamed that if there was one person he didn’t want to hate him it was Hinata, he couldn’t deal with Hinata hating him, not at all, he couldn’t deal with that, he never wanted that, _ever_ —)

( _Don’t leave me, please._ )

God, he was fucked up.

 

\--

 

Kageyama’s dream started out the way the other had, with them doing things he’d barely admitted he wanted to do, but it changed quickly into a silence that he hadn’t realized had been absent for the past couple of months, and suddenly there was emptiness beside him and a ringing in his ears that said _I hate you, Kageyama_ in that same voice Hinata had used the day before, one that seemed calm on the surface but was brimming with emotion underneath it.

He woke up from it with a jolt, sitting upright in his bed like when he had dreams about falling, his heart beating _thump-thump-thump_ like drum in his ears. There was a voice from the other side of his door.

“Kageyama? Are you awake yet?”

He didn’t even have time to say anything in response before the door was thrown open by a much too excited looking Hinata. He was panting like he’d been running, and his eyes were wide with excitement. “Kageyama, guess what happ—“

He stopped mid-sentence, having noticed the state the boy was in. “…Are you okay?”

Not trusting himself to speak, Kageyama nodded, averting his eyes like that would make the silent answer any more valid.

“Bullshit you are,” Hinata said, but his voice was quieter now, gentle like it had been that day at the park, and he was still breathing heavier than normal as he sat down on the edge of Kageyama’s bed. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” His voice was hoarse.

“…Did…” Hinata frowned, eyes trained on Kageyama’s hand where it was still clutching the bed sheets involuntarily. “Did you have a bad dream or…?”

“N-no.”

“Are you lying?”

“…”

“Kageyama…”

“I’m fine!” His voice didn’t sound as convincing as he had wanted it to be. He felt tears prick his eyes. _Don’t hate me._

“…Bakageyama,” Hinata said softly, setting a hand on Kageyama’s, who was still too distracted to remember he was supposed to be avoiding contact at all costs. “It’s alright to not be fine sometimes.”

“I know that, stupid.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and willed the tears away. The redhead’s hand was warm. Any other time, he would’ve been embarrassed, but it made his chest ache more. He was suddenly hit with an intense longing for more—more contact, more warmth, more _Hinata—_ so strong it knocked the breath out of him. He squeezed the hand in his and tried to calm himself.

Hinata squeezed back. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“God, no,” he bit out in a sharp laugh, but his voice sounded watery. Kageyama wasn’t one for talking about that…stuff. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Hinata was hugging him before he noticed that the boy had moved at all, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him in. It was surprising for a moment, because they’d only ever hugged one other time outside of this, and he’d been caught off guard. But then he felt those tears he’d been so desperately holding back start to overflow, and he hugged back so tightly he was afraid he’d hurt the boy.

“Don’t leave,” he mumbled into a shock of orange hair, squeezing his eyes shut and trying, even now, to keep from breaking down.

He’d thought he’d said it quiet enough to not be heard, but Hinata pulled away, and Kageyama had a moment of _I fucked up_ before there were hands on his cheeks and Hinata was looking him dead in the eyes, more serious than he’d ever seen him.

“I’m here, Kageyama,” he said. “I’m not leaving. I’m here.”

_I’m here._

Kageyama didn’t realize he’d started crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh my precious angsty child ;w; kags being insecure is so much fun to write omf
> 
> also: i forgot to say this when i was naming the list of hints, but when hinata was talking abt getting a tutor and was talking abt the reasons he doesnt like them, he was going to say that they always misgender him, but stopped himself at the last second, so. that one was a bit more obscure tho


	12. a rupture to the structure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t even a full minute after Hinata had gone home that Sunday before Kageyama’s mother turned to him and hit him upside the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is BULLSHIT and half of it is just hinata and kags texting b/c im the worst but like here take it anyway
> 
> mmmmmm more tropes including High School Parties all tho theres no drinking (at least hina+kags dont) b/c i genuinely cant imagine them being anything but completely not abt that life, at least as 1st years. 
> 
> also fluff took the place of them getting Turnt so like whos the REAL winner here (its me) (not rlly) (this chapter is horrible but its imporant) (ish)

It wasn’t even a full minute after Hinata had gone home that Sunday before Kageyama’s mother turned to him and hit him upside the head.

“Ow!” He yelped. “What was that for?”

She glared at him. “For being a horrible host! I’ve never _seen_ someone act as rude as you, especially to a friend!”

He looked away, face burning in both shame and embarrassment. He knew it was selfish and a bit of a douchebag thing to do, but he’d done it anyway. “I hadn’t realized…”

“Of _course_ you hadn’t realized!” She snapped, hands on her hips, radiating more anger than she had in quite a long time. “Poor Sho-chan was all by himself so much of the time, while you were supposed to be keeping him company and most definitely _not_ brooding for hours on end—and don’t give me that look, you’re horrible at hiding things from me, you know that? I could tell you were upset about something from a mile away, and Hinata could too. He was worried sick so much of that time you were supposed to be doing things together and—ugh!“ she sighed in exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama mumbled, his shoes suddenly very interesting.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” she said, although she sounded less angry and more disappointed. “Call Sho-chan.”

“But—“

“ _Now.”_

He snapped his mouth shut. “He just left,” he said carefully, searching for an excuse, “it would be weird to say something like that now when I could’ve said it to his face a few minutes ago.”

“Fine,” she sighed again. “Then wait an hour or two. But if you don’t apologize to Shouyou…” she glared at him again. It certainly didn’t help that she could feel his fear at her anger and his shame at his actions.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I’m going to lay down, I had a long day,” his mother said with a small yawn as she made her way out of the foyer and up the stairs towards her bedroom. “And you better not treat him like that the next time he comes over!”

“I won’t,” he responded automatically, but somehow he wasn’t too sure that Hinata _would_ have a next time for him to come over. She must’ve sensed his unease, because she stopped at the stairs, a hand on the railing. Her demeanor shifted from angry to concerned.

“Tobio,” she said. “You know you can always talk to me right?”

“I know.”

“And there’s no excuse trying to hide it if something bothers you because—“

“Because you can tell anyway, I know, Mom. You’ve told me that a million times.”

She pressed her lips together in a small grin. “I only say it so much because it’s true. But if there’s anything bothering you…”

He thought about it for a moment, and she waited patiently for him before he shifted where he stood, crossed his arms over his chest self-consciously, and mumbled something that sounded an awfully lot like, “I might…like him.”

“Yeah, well, the sky might be blue,” she said with a grin. He snapped his head up at her and scowled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Whatever you think it means,” she said coyly. “But if that’s the reason you were acting so off, then that’s even worse.” She frowned at him. “I’m not sure how you’re going to get him to like you if you keep treating him badly.”

“I didn’t—“ He snapped his mouth shut and looked away, burning in humiliation. “I wasn’t trying to,” he mumbled. _What an excuse that is,_ he scoffed to himself.

“I know, I know. Go call him. Make up for it.”

“…Okay.”

“And if you need any more advice past that, come ask me. Take it a step at a time, Tobio.” She planted a quick kiss to his head, to which he recoiled. In a moment, she had disappeared upstairs into her bedroom, probably to watch a new episode of her show, leaving Kageyama to flop down on his living room couch and wish that he wasn’t such an idiot. Some help she’d been.

_Take it a step at a time, Tobio._ She said that often as a way to calm him down. Kageyama was known to take too many things on at once, at least to her, and especially back in middle school he would get overwhelmed easily. She’d always be there once she sensed his anxiety, a gentle smile on her face and a _Take it a step at a time_ on her lips. He sighed into the couch cushion. It got difficult to take that advice sometimes, and especially now.

He was in the middle of debating the pros and cons of texting Hinata himself to apologize, staring at his phone and flipping it anxiously in his hands, when he felt it vibrate and his screen lit up.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            guess what noya asked me abt today (~‾⌣‾)~(~‾⌣‾)~(~‾⌣‾)~

 

Kageyama frowned slightly at his phone, typing out a reply and sending it before he could think too much about it.

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

That is the stupidest emoticon youve ever sent me.

 

Wait, no, that sounded bad. He tried to amend it quickly.

 

              What did he ask you about

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            he asked if i wanted 2 go 2 this thing that he + tanaka have planned this saturday ≖‿≖

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            ….Okay? And?

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            he said i cld have a “””plus 1””””

 

            ≖‿≖ //nudge

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            I don’t do well at parties.

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

           

            ok but u c

 

            since im just the BEST friend u cld evr ask 4

 

            (ur welcome btw)

 

            i already took that into consideration

 

            + its safe to go to

 

            noya said thered only b a few ppl!!!

 

            just some guys from the team + tanakas friends

 

            + its not even rlly a party b/c daichis gonna b there & hes got a stick up his ass & never lets us have any fun（；￣д￣）

 

            ++ even asahis going and hes like!! waaaay against stuff like this!!!

 

            but that also might have 2 do w/ the fact that noyas got him whipped

 

            but like!!! still!!!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            ….

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            and i promise if ur head starts hurting or s/t we can go home right away!!

 

            ill even go w/ u!!

 

            please kageyama :’(

 

            i rlly dont wanna go alone

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

          

            I thought you just said the whole teams gonna be there?

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            well i mean technically YEAh

 

            but noyas gonna b busy w/ asahi + tanaka & yama and tsukki r probably gonna b doing gross lovey dovey coupley stuff the whole night like always and

            kenmas not going b/c he has a thing planned already

 

            PLLEEEEAAAAAAASSSSEE

 

            im on my hands & knees begging rn do u want a pic to prove it

 

            b/c ill do that

 

            PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSEEEEEEEEEEE

 

            KAGEYAMAAAAAAA

 

            pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaassseee

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            If I say yes will you stop spamming my phone?

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

 

            yep!!!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (~‾⌣‾)~

           

            Ugh. Fine.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** YESSSS

 

            ahhhhh thank u!!!! ٩(๑òωó๑)۶

 

            btw how r u feeling from this morning??

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: YESSSS

 

            What?

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            u kno

 

            this morning?

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            Oh. Yeah.

 

            I’m fine.

 

            Doing better.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            thats good!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

           

            Yeah….

 

            I’m sorry about this weekend.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            what do u mean???

 

Kageyama could imagine him doing his dumb head thing, and for some reason the imagery calmed him down. He rolled over on the couch.

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            You know, me avoiding you. And stuff.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            oh…….

 

            yeah well!!!

 

            ill forgive u once we go 2 the thing this saturday !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

 

            and even tho we’re ok dont think i dont still expect an explanation!!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

  
            …Fair enough.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            glad we got that settled ┗|・o・|┛

           

            oh!!!!

 

            and i hav late practice tomorrow so i wont b able to hang out

 

            just a heads up

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

           

            Yeah okay. I’m gonna go do homework.

 

**From:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            ok!!!

           

            see u 2morrow!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YESSSS

 

            See you.

 

So he hadn’t been able to call him, but at least there was some form of apology in there? It still felt inadequate somehow. Ugh. Kageyama sighed in frustration, burying his head in the couch’s pillow and shoving his phone away from him.

He felt like such an idiot, especially since even after all that, he still felt some sense of…betrayal (?) from the way Hinata hadn’t even seemed like he was _sort of_ going to tell him. That fear of him not being trusted enough with that was still there, very much so, but now it sat bubbling with the guilt of knowing anyway and avoiding Hinata the whole weekend. He quietly hoped that the party or whatever it was wouldn’t be as horrible as he was anticipating.

 

\--

 

He was wrong.

It was pretty bad. There were more than a “few people,” as Hinata had been told there would be, and even before they’d stepped inside the house the slurry of emotions that always followed groups of people hit him at once, strong enough to make him have to blink spots out of his eyes.

Hinata cast a worried look at him, chewing on his bottom lip. “Are you gonna be okay?” he asked. They were standing in the driveway, Hinata with his hands stuffed in his jacket’s pockets, which was a few sizes too large for him. It wasn’t particularly chilly outside, but he wore it nonetheless, seeming unbothered by it.

“I’m fine,” Kageyama reassured, gritting his teeth and forcing his vision to clear.

“Are you sure? ‘Cause if you’re not, you know I told you we could go ho—“

“I’m _fine,”_ he repeated, sounding harsher than he’d intended, but Hinata only blinked, once, twice, and offered him a small grin before walking up the driveway again.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he said, and even though it still hurt, Kageyama guessed it was worth it for him to smile like that.

The inside of the house wasn’t as bad as he’d been expecting, although it wasn’t exactly immaculate either. He stuck close to Hinata, trying his hardest not to get lost because he knew literally _no one_ else there, and he wasn’t fond of strangers.

One of the setbacks from being around so many people was the fact that he couldn’t feel the redhead’s emotions, so he was left guessing for once—something that he’d not been very used to. Being unable to tell what he was thinking had always left him floundering, which was one reason he hated places like this. It overloaded his ability while inhibiting it, and it was _frustrating._

“Noya-san!” he heard Hinata call, waving to the smaller boy before tugging Kageyama along with him in the direction he’d called to.

“You made it!” Nishinoya grinned, and Kageyama tried to tell what it was he was feeling, to no avail. He couldn’t get _anything,_ too caught up in the flurry of excitement and other such emotions that followed everyone else around him. He couldn’t focus for shit. It pissed him off, but he bit the inside of his cheek and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, I told you I’d come,” Hinata laughed before tugging on the edge of Kageyama’s jacket to get his attention. The taller turned his head back around to look at him, meeting a pair of wide, expecting brown eyes. He couldn’t feel anything coming from the boy in front of him. It was making him a bit panicky.

“Kageyama-kun, you came too!” Nishinoya noticed finally, still flashing white teeth and rosy cheeks.

“Hinata invited me,” Kageyama provided lamely, although he realized while saying it that that was pretty obvious and of _course_ that’s what had happened. He bit his cheek and buried his hands further in his coat pockets.

“Is Yachi here?” Hinata asked, saving Kageyama form any further embarrassment. He sighed quietly in relief, turning his eyes back to stay trained on his shoes.

“Yeah, but I think I saw her with Shimizu,” Noya said, grin changing from good-hearted to mischievous. “I wouldn’t bother her right now if I were you.”

“Damn.” Hinata pouted. He must’ve sensed Kageyama’s unrest, because there was a hand on his arm, pulling it out of his jacket pocket and tugging him along with the smaller. “Well, we’re gonna go walk around. See you later!”

Nishinoya probably said goodbye in response, but Kageyama wasn’t listening. He tried to focus on the hand that had at some point slide from his forearm to his own, tried to focus on the boy in front of him who was currently weaving them through groups of people. Hinata squeezed his hand reassuringly, but it did nothing to soothe him when he still couldn’t tell what it was the other was thinking.

They stopped near the back of the house, standing around a glass door that lead out onto a patio. “Kageyama,” Hinata started, “are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m—fine, just…” He looked away, voice lowering to a mumble. “I can’t tell what anyone is feeling.”

Hinata blinked. “You can’t?”

“Well—I mean—“ He fumbled for words. “I—I _can,_ but only as a…as a group. I can’t tell what you’re feeling. And it’s bothering me.”

“Oh…” Hinata twisted his mouth up in thought. “Let’s go outside.”

“What?”

Before Kageyama could say anything else, the hand in his was pulling him outside onto the patio, sliding between the doors before anyone else could notice. Hinata plopped down on a bench that sat overlooking the rest of the area. He smiled at Kageyama, a little gentler than earlier. Kageyama sat down next to him and willed his heart to stop beating so loudly in his chest, both from anxiety and the boy sitting next to him.

“I know we’re not, like, out of range of the rest of the people,” Hinata said, scratching the back of his neck with the hand that wasn’t still holding the other’s, “but you could try focusing on me now if you wanted to, like we’d been talking about last weekend. It might help.”

“…Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” Kageyama found himself agreeing to it, although he had a feeling it wasn’t going to end up working very well.

Hinata perked up at his answer, shifting his body so one leg sat between the two of them and he was facing him better. Kageyama tried not to follow the line of his body or think about the curve of his waist, but it was difficult when somewhere in the back of his mind he still felt the small parts of _he hasn’t mentioned it_ that popped up whenever he didn’t try his hardest to repress them.

He steadied his breathing and tried not to think about that, or anything else for that matter, except the hand that still held his, the gentle reassuring squeeze he received before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. It was difficult to hold onto anything except the excited buzz that emitted from the house behind them, but after a moment, he could feel the beginning of something like nervousness coming from Hinata. He grasped onto it, gritted his teeth, pulled at it until he could feel the adrenaline and vague sense of happiness that came along with it.

“Is it working?” Hinata asked, voice quiet so he wouldn’t disturb him.

Kageyama nodded after a moment, eyes still closed. “It’s. Yeah. It’s working.”

He couldn’t hold onto that for very long before he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head and had to release his grip on what Hinata had been feeling. It only worked for so long under such conditions, he guessed.

Still, the smile he received was sort of worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kags: mmmMMMMMMMAYbe have feels
> 
> kags mom: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	13. i don't mean to scare you at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What?! Trans?!” He was yelling; Kageyama had never seen him yell before. “Is that what you were trying to say?! About me not telling you that I’m a fucking trans boy?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS TECHNICALLY STILL MONDAY
> 
>  
> 
> //sweatS IM NOT GOOD AT WRITING CHARACTERS FIGHTING PLS HELP
> 
> also this chap is just . rea l gay tbh.

The rest of the party was less than enjoyable, if Kageyama were to be completely honest, but Hinata was enjoying himself, and he didn’t really have the heart to admit that he was hurting too bad to logically be there. Kageyama had never been one for admitting when he was hurt anyway; now was no exception.

He spent a lot of the time people-watching and trying to assess by-stander’s emotions. That proved to hurt him more than doing nothing did, so he gave up after a while; he could only focus on one person for so long before he lost his concentration and had to start over again. Hinata’s insistence on finding out if that was something he could do or not was surprising and a bit worrying, knowing Hinata, because it meant he was overly curious for a _reason._

Kageyama scowled at his feet. After he had lost his grip on Hinata’s emotions, the boy had immediately jumped into question after question about it, asking if there was a way he could somehow make it easier to do, or, if he practiced it enough, if he could make it so he wasn’t in pain in crowds and the like. He had been almost bouncing in his seat, curiosity and excitement sparked by the new revelation—not that Kageyama was able to feel it at the time, but his body language was clear enough.

They went inside after a while of sitting there and talking about it, and Hinata had disappeared into a crowd of people for a moment, presumably to get a drink. When he came back, his grin wasn’t as wide, and he kept looking at his feet as if there were anything interesting about them. Kageyama had asked what was wrong, if something had happened while he was away to make that change, but only received a forced smile and a punch to the arm in response before the redhead had requested they dance together.

Of course, that was a no. Dancing was the last thing Kageyama wanted to do, although the rush of blood to his face may have implied otherwise. Hinata had pouted up a storm and made a big deal about it, but let it go all the same after the other made it clear there was no way he would budge. He went to dance with Nishinoya for a bit, leaving Kageyama to his devices. He managed on his own, eating up his phone battery, and when Hinata came back, his smile seemed more genuine, so Kageyama decided against complaining about the absence.

It wasn’t late when they left, mostly because Hinata seemed to have picked up Kageyama’s saving face and inability to “admit to anything ever,” as he later chastised.

And because there really wasn’t much of a reason not to, they went to Hinata’s house to “hang out” for a while, which almost directly translated to Kageyama getting his ass kicked at Smash Bros.

Come ten PM, they were on their fifth round. Natsu had already been put to bed while Hinata’s parents were probably downstairs doing whatever it was parents did. Kageyama’s quality was decreasing considerably as the game continued, and not very subtly either. His head hurt, yeah, but mostly he couldn’t stop thinking long enough to focus on the game. Hinata was almost entirely focused on the task at hand, eyes trained only on the screen and emotions stable for once.

He kept shifting where he sat though, and subconsciously rubbing the back of his neck and shoulder blades like he had the other weekend. Kageyama half considered offering to give him a massage again, seeing as that seemed to help last time, but he’d been having far too many of those dreams for him to risk it.

Touching Hinata at all seemed like a feat in and of itself at that point, honestly. They were sitting side by side, but Kageyama had kept a space between them, unlike what they normally did. Most of the time, it was constantly Hinata splaying himself across Kageyama, all but laying on him, feet on his lap while they were lying down or thighs pressed together at the lunch table or arms brushing in Algebra when he leaned over to grab something. Touching each other used to be normal, wanted even, but now it was a struggle.

If Hinata noticed it while they were playing together, he said nothing. He did, however, take note of how off Kageyama had been the entire time.

“Hey, Bakageyama,” he started, the nickname less offensive and more habitual for him now. “What’s up?”

“What?” Kageyama put his controller down. “Nothing’s up.”

Hinata snorted. The sound should not have been cute. “Mhmm, sure. I mean, I normally kick your ass anyway, but this time it was just _too_ easy, you gotta be overthinking or something, ‘cause you’re normally at least _kind of_ fun so if you’re this bad there’s gotta be something going on—”

“Hey!”

“Sooooo, what’s wrong?” He set his controller down too, sitting up straighter and shifting on his bedroom floor so that he was facing Kageyama instead, his legs crossed. His knees brushed Kageyama’s, who in turn shifted back.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m just—tired.”

“Is it your head?”

“…Huh?”

“Your head.” Hinata gestured to said body part. “You know, is your head hurting or something?”

“Oh.” Kageyama coughed into his elbow. “Uh, yeah I guess.”

“Do you want me to get you some Advil or something?“

“No!” It came out harsher than intended, and Hinata blinked at how rushed he sounded. Kageyama tried again, shifting further back. His face felt warm. “No. I’m fine.”

“You don’t _seem_ fine.”

“Well I am.”

Hinata narrowed his eyes. “Are not.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

“Am t—Jesus _dick,_ can’t you just leave it alone for two _fucking_ seconds?!”

Hinata laughed at the outburst, finding it more funny than anything, and stood up. He flopped back on his bed, arms spread to take up as much space as possible. “Sure,” he said, shrugging as best as one can while lying down.

Kageyama huffed and rolled his eyes, leaning with his back against the foot of the bed. They stayed like that for a few moments, nothing but the tick of the clock and Hinata’s off-key humming to fill the silence.

The humming stopped.

“…Kageyama?”

Said boy sighed in exasperation. “What is it _now_?”

It threw him off guard when he felt Hinata’s emotions dip into something more serious and melancholy. He glanced at the redhead from his spot on the floor, but couldn’t see much with the bed in the way.

“You know you can tell me stuff, right?”

Kageyama’s mother had said that last Sunday. _You can always come to me if you need anything,_ she’d said. He stared at the ground, feeling something akin to anger without knowing why.

( _Yeah, I know I can, but apparently you can’t tell me, seeing as you haven’t even_ mentioned it—)

What came out of his mouth was, “Yeah.”

“’Cause, you know, we’re friends, and friends tell each other when stuff is being a dick, right? So if anything’s being a dick to make you suck even more at Smash Bros, you can talk to me about it. I’ll even only _sort of_ make fun of you this time.” Kageyama imagined he grinned at that, but if he did, he didn’t see.

“Yeah,” he said again.

Another mood shift. Kageyama felt the other shuffle to the side of the bed so he could see Kageyama, peeking over the side to look at him. “Yeah?”

“…Yeah.”

He hopped off the bed, landing with a dull thud. The clock ticking was surprisingly loud. “You’re sulking about something.”

“Christ, I thought I told you to leave it alone—“

“I mean, yeah, okay I know I _said_ I’d leave it alone, but that’s because I didn’t think it was _actually_ anything bothering you! I thought you were just being whiny, but apparently it’s bigger than that because you’re still doing it, and you didn’t even sound offended when I made fun of you, so obviously something is wrong.” His hands were on his hips, standing in front of where Kageyama sat defiantly.

Kageyama stood up abruptly.

“My mom needs me home now,” he lied through his teeth, ready to shoulder past the smaller and leave as quickly as possible, but Hinata radiated something like frustration, and he grabbed his elbow before he could get anywhere.

“Stop being so stubborn and just tell me what’s wrong!” His eyebrows were furrowed, the perfect image of exasperation as he tugged on the taller’s elbow to bring him back closer to him. Kageyama felt Hinata’s anger, but it only fueled his own, that feeling of _he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t trust you_ that had been festering all weekswelling up until he thought it might burst.

His voice was louder than intended when he blurted out, “Yeah, like you were going to tell me about _you_?!”

Hinata blinked twice, mouth open. “What...?”

“…Never mind,” he mumbled, yanking his arm back and beginning to stalk away, hoping to avoid any further questioning. “I’m going home.”

“Not before you tell me what that was about!” Hinata was panicking, apparently having jumped to that conclusion already, worry replaced by fear, _so much fear._ The fear had him stopping in his tracks.

“About…about how you just weren’t ever going to tell me about…you being—“ He couldn’t look at the smaller boy, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

Hinata’s jaw clenched, and his voice had a steely tone it hadn’t possessed any of the other times they fought when he ground out, “About me being _what?”_

“…About you being, you know…”

“What?! _Trans?!”_ He was yelling; Kageyama had never seen him yell before. “Is _that_ what you were trying to say?! About me not telling you that I’m a fucking _trans boy_?!”

“I—“

“How long have you known.” It wasn’t a question. His fists were clenched.

“…Just since last Saturday.”

“How.”

“…What?”

“How did you know.”

Kageyama looked away, anger momentarily replaced by guilt, that sense that he’d seen something he wasn’t supposed to. He glared at a spot on the wall behind Hinata’s head. “I…went to wait for you after volleyball practice and…saw you walking to the club rooms.”

“God fucking—“ Hinata turned around, fists unclenching so he could wrap his arms around himself. His voice was lower; anger to fear.

“You didn’t bring it up,” Kageyama tried to explain himself. “You didn’t mention it, not even once after this whole time of us being friends—“

He was turned back around in a second. “Did it ever occur to you that I was _scared,_ Bakageyama?!”

“Scared?” His eyebrows furrowed. “Scared of what?“

“You of _all_ people should know what I’m talking about!”

“I don’t know what you’re—”

“I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared you wouldn’t _like_ me anymore, _okay_ , you big asshole?!”

Kageyama was having a hard time keeping up with his mood changes, one moment plummeting before fiery hot again, over and over as he talked, waving his hands around like that would get his point across more.

“I was scared! Scared out of my fucking mind, honestly! I was scared you wouldn’t—wouldn’t want to…” He was running out of steam. “Wouldn’t want to be around me anymore if you knew that I’m…If…I…”

The correct response may have been pity; pity for this small boy making himself smaller in front of Kageyama, holding himself with nails digging into his arms, frustration to fear to sadness to frustration again, the embodiment of the cliché “hot and cold.” But the response he had _wasn’t_ pity. It was anger.

It was unintentional when his voice came out as a growl. “You thought I would hate you over something as stupid as _that?!”_

Hinata blinked.

Kageyama was crossing the minimal space already provided in an instant. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized he was being too loud, and he might wake up Natsu if he wasn’t careful, but his voice still came out in a yell when he said, “You honestly thought I was _going to leave you?!_ I couldn’t fucking do that if I tried!”

Hinata licked his lips, eyes flitting down to their close proximity, and there was a moment where Kageyama thought all he wanted to do was kiss him. “What else was I _supposed_ to think? Most of my friends—they left me after they found out! It’s not too uncommon for that to happen so how was I supposed to know if you would be any different!”

“Because I—“ He stopped. Swallowed the unspoken _like you, dumbass._ Started again. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“And how the _fuck_ do you think I was supposed to know?” He laughed, forced and unnatural and angry, and started backing away; Kageyama followed without thinking about it, subconsciously cornering him against the wall. “I’m not _stupid,_ Bakageyama, I know what happens when people don’t—when people…don’t accept me. I know what can happen.”

“And _I’m_ not stupid either, dumbass, I know what happens, and I’m fucking telling you, straight up, that that’s not going to happen! I already told you, I don’t care! And don’t you _ever_ think that I would—“ He faltered, voice lowering. Unsure. Hinata licked his lips again. “That I would leave you.”

There was silence for a few moments, where they didn’t do much but stare at each other, breathing heavily. Kageyama was staring at his feet, unable to look the other in the eye, until he heard sniffling and looked up.

“Oh—fuck, Hinata, I didn’t—“ He had no idea what to do when someone else was crying, fucking hell, how was he supposed to comfort someone?

Hinata scrubbed the tears away probably more aggressively than really necessary, but he radiated less sadness and more relief than anything—relief and. And something akin to love. “You’re so _stupid_.”

Kageyama frowned and opened his mouth to argue against that, but before he could get anything out, there were arms around his neck pulling him down and the unfamiliar sensation of lips against his own, chapped and wet from tears and perfect all the same, and Kageyama nearly thought he would pass out with how hard his heart was thumping.

It was only one second, two seconds, three seconds, and then Hinata pulled away completely. Relief to fear again; relief to anger, and Kageyama recognized it as anger at himself, not anger at Kageyama. He was still crying, the tears coming down more heavily than they had before, but they weren’t happy tears anymore.

“I guess I’m really stupid too, huh?” He forced a laugh. Kageyama hated the sound.

“Dumbass,” he tried to snap, his words contradicting his actions as he awkwardly reached forward and all but shoved Hinata into his chest in an attempt to comfort him.

The movement was stiff, and he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with his arms, but after hesitating for a second, shocked at the development, Hinata buried his face in his chest and let sobs wrack his shoulders in heavy waves, ugly crying that was anything but quiet or half-hearted.

Kageyama wrapped his arms around the smaller’s frame, burying his face in a shock of soft orange hair. He smelled like strawberry shampoo and mint gum. They stood like that for what felt like forever.

When Hinata was finally stable enough to pull away, he wiped his eyes with the flat of his palm, Kageyama half wishing he could do that for him but unsure of how, still painfully new at things like comforting others. “I’m sorry,” he settled on saying instead.

“I’m…” Hinata blinked away a few more tears that had begun threatening to spill over again. “I’m sorry too…I didn’t mean to make it sound like I didn’t trust you, ‘cause I do, a lot, probably more than I should to be honest,” he laughed, and although it was a struggle, it sounded less fake. “But I guess you already sort of knew that, right?”

“What?” Kageyama blinked, confused.

Hinata gave him a look. “You know, my weird crush vibes I was giving off the entire time I was around you. Didn’t you pick up on any of those…? I mean, you can tell how someone feels, so I don’t know why you wouldn’t…”

“Wait.” Kageyama held his hands up. “Are you telling me you liked me that _entire time_ and I never knew?!”

The redhead actually laughed, full this time. “Yes! Jesus Christ, it was so fucking obvious, I thought I just sounded desperate the whole time!”

Kageyama rubbed his eyes in exasperation, feeling a headache starting to form. “I am so fucking stupid.”

“Yeah, I picked up on that,” Hinata giggled, and the taller only glared half-heartedly in response.

“So…that means you _do_ like me?” Kageyama asked hesitantly.

“Pfft,” he snorted into his hand, apparently finding the question more amusing than anything. “Of course I do, Bakageyama.”

“So that…kissing me wasn’t just like, a spur of the moment…”

“Jesus Christ, no, that was because I like you! I don’t just get the urge to make out with anything close to me when I’m emotional.” Hinata rolled his eyes. His emotions had stabilized, and they found equilibrium at elated. “…So, you…like me too?”

“Yeah.” Kageyama coughed awkwardly into his fist.

“…Oh. Good.”

The ticking of the clock was still painfully loud in the silence that fell over them, both unsure of what to do after that. Kageyama shifted where he stood, ansty, before blurting out, “Can I just kiss you again?” in a rush, but Hinata’s breathily answered “ _God_ , yes” was nothing if not just as eager, so he guessed he couldn’t feel too embarrassed.

The second time they kissed was longer than the first, although no less awkward, teeth clinking painfully and noses bumping, but Hinata was smiling so widely when they stopped, the dimples on his cheeks showing up clear as day, lips pink, that Kageyama decided he wanted to do it again.

So he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m,mmmMMMMMMMM THEY WERENT SUPPOSED TO KISS UNTil the next chapter but this is already l8 and i rlly dont wanna rewrite 3k of gayness so i guess we'll just have 1 awkwardly limbo chapter + end chapter i guess??? eehahdhhd idek what im gonna doa nymore. pls send help


	14. a choir singing in some orchard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing about dating Hinata, Kageyama found, was that nothing really changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive had abt half this chap written since wednesday except i had finals all last week and the only time i found to write was in the dead of the night where i would literally pass out at my keyboard. god bless saturdays and my lack of social life for giving me time to finish this chap
> 
> we got one more to go after this!! ill probably post that the middle of next week since im trying to space these out a bit more. after that ill b writing a few in-verse one shots, some from hinatas pov this time >:3c

It felt simultaneously like an eternity and far too soon before they pulled away and leaned against each other. Hinata was smiling, breathing heavily, eyes closed still, and for once Kageyama couldn’t tell if that was Hinata’s happiness or his own.

“I’m horrible at this,” Hinata laughed, referring to the clumsiness that they’d both been apparently eager to display in kissing.

Kageyama thought about saying _no you’re not,_ because he wasn’t, not really, how could he be when it was doing things like this to Kageyama’s brain, making it difficult for him to form coherent thought just from that? But before he could say something as utterly embarrassing as that, Hinata wrinkled his nose and said, “You sorta suck too.”

“Hey!” He immediately snapped, feeling his cheeks heat up as the smaller laughed at him. He frowned. “I’m not _that_ bad,” he grumbled.

“No, no, you’re pretty bad.”

“Fuck off.” _I retract everything I thought about you being a good kisser._

Hinata stuck his tongue out at him. They were still leaning against each other. “No need to be so rude, Bakageyama. If you suck so bad, you’ll just have to practice more and get better, right?”

“…Right,” he mumbled. The conversation was doing nothing to lessen his blush, the prospect of apparently being able to kiss Hinata again still new and embarrassing and all too appealing a thought to say much else but _right_ in response.

Hinata smiled again, all white teeth and pink lips, grabbing his hand unceremoniously and tugging him to sit on the floor together. He glanced at the game controller, seeming to debate picking it up, before turning to Kageyama with a sudden sheepishness he’d not seen in…well, ever, probably.

“Does this mean we’re, like…” Hinata scratched the back of his neck.

“Dating?” Kageyama offered. His voice cracked on the word, and he looked away, embarrassed.

“Dating,” Hinata confirmed with a firm nod. “I mean, if you don’t…are you…?”

“What?”

“I mean,” Hinata huffed, seeming frustrated at his inability to form the right words. “You never really mentioned being, like, attracted to guys, so, like—“

Kageyama narrowed his eyes. “Was me kissing you not clear enough?”

“No!” Hinata groaned dramatically, eyebrows furrowed in frustration at Kageyama. “I mean, like—you never mentioned liking guys even though I did and like—I’m—a guy, obviously, but I’m not—I don’t—“

Kageyama’s eyes widened in realization at what was being asked of him, and he blushed even heavier, if that were possible. He felt stupid for being so embarrassed, but it didn’t stop him from avoiding eye contact. “I already told you I don’t care about stuff like that.”

“I _know_ but—“ Hinata looked away too. His mood shifted to territory that Kageyama had labeled as shamefulness. “I don’t know how I’d feel if you—if you liked me as a girl and not a boy…”

Kageyama had never thought much about dating in general, growing up. Girls just hadn’t appealed to him, but he thought it more because he was too invested in volleyball to care than anything. And once volleyball had ended, he’d found he still didn’t look at them the same other guys did. And other boys didn’t particularly catch his attention either, in the “dating” sort of way, but he didn’t keep himself from admitting that he found guys attractive. It had never been a big deal to him, though, and once he’d realized it, he’d not thought much about it later.

His mother knew, of course, and maybe the fact that she, the only person he had to tell nearly his entire life, accepted it fully was the reason he never worried. And even after Hinata had become the only other person he had to confine in, it didn’t come up. Sexuality wasn’t something he thought about, so for Hinata to suddenly be asking about it put him in a place where he wasn’t sure what to say.

“I don’t think of you as a girl,” he finally settled on saying. “If that’s what you’re worried about. I don’t like you because….well, I mean, I don’t like girls at all, so I guess that…” He sighed. “I like boys. If that’s what you’re asking. And you.”

Hinata’s cheeks colored at the last part; Kageyama felt how weird that still was to hear, and even though the sentiment was mutual, he felt the need to defend himself with a rushed, “We already established that, dumbass!”

“I know that!” He crossed his arms. “It’s just—I’m not used to hearing it out loud yet, okay?”

“…Yeah, okay.”

“I like you too.”

“You already told me that.”

“I wanted to say it again.” He grinned. Kageyama had to look away.

“Are you still worried?”

“Mm, I don’t know,” Hinata shrugged coyly. “You can tell, can’t you? You tell me. Am I still worried?”

Kageyama glared at him a little, but he felt no remnants of worry. “…No.”

“Right.” He smiled. “What am I instead?”

“Annoying, mostly.”

Hinata shoved him. “I meant my mood and stuff, you big jerk!”

Kageyama sat upright, shrugging. “I don’t know; embarrassed, maybe? Why?”

“You suck at flirting.”

“That wasn’t flirting.” He narrowed his eyes.

Hinata stuck his tongue out at him. “It could have been if you weren’t such an asshole.”

“How am _I_ the asshole—“

He didn’t get to say much more, because Hinata was tugging on the collar of his shirt to pull him down, faces hovering near each other, close enough to feel his breath but not close enough to kiss. He crossed the gap before Hinata had a chance to do it first, too impatient to wait that long.

When they pulled away that time, Kageyama found that somehow in the midst of making out, Hinata had ended up on his lap. He didn’t move even after they parted.

“Was that any better?” Kageyama asked, doing nothing to hide the smugness in his voice.

Hinata shoved him halfhearted. “Fuck off.”

“That’s not an answer—“

“Jesus, _yes,_ that was better!” He huffed, throwing his hands in the air in overdramatic exasperation. Kageyama did his best to hide his snort at the response, but Hinata still heard it, if the way his eyes lit up and his mood shifted from exasperated to fond was any indicator.

It wasn’t until Kageyama realized that he would really be needed home soon that Hinata moved from his spot in his lap, the two having nearly fallen asleep in that position. “It’s almost midnight anyway, why don’t you just stay the night?”

Kageyama rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Mom’s been…kind of weird lately, about stuff like that.”

“How long have you known you liked me?”

The question threw Kageyama off. He blinked. “Um. A week and a half? Ish.”

Hinata pouted. “That’s no fair. You barely had to wait at all before kissing me and stuff.”

“Why? How long have _you_ known then?”

He looked away, embarrassed, and didn’t say anything. Kageyama raised an eyebrow and nudged his shoulder with his own. “Oi, Hinata.”

“Sincelikeamonthafterwemet!” The redhead blurted, words coming out in a rush. Kageyama blinked, taking a moment to decipher what he’d even said, before he felt his own face heating up.

“Fuck, that was—“

“Forever ago, I know!” Hinata covered his face with his hands. “Ughh, stop making me think about it, you asshole.”

“ _Are_ we dating?”

He lifted his face, brown eyes peeking over his hands that still partially obscured him. “…Do you want us to be?”

Kageyama shrugged. “I mean—I don’t…if… _I_ want us to, but if you don’t then—“

“No!” The smaller all but yelled; if his family wasn’t awake before, they would be now. “I want us to be dating!”

“Jesus _Christ,_ keep your voice down, dumbass!” Kageyama whisper-screeched, mortified at the prospect of his family hearing that but somehow still feeling warmth spread at the words. Hinata wanted to date him. That was a nice thought.

Hinata rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry, that was too loud.”

They stood in silence for a moment.

“…So does that mean we’re—“

“Yes please.”

Kageyama nodded jerkily. “Okay. Okay. We’re dating.”

“You’re my boyfriend.”

“…Yeah, I am.”

Hinata grinned at the ground. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, didn’t we just—“

“Shhh, don’t ruin it with your asshole-ness,” he chastised, shoving a hand in his face to shush him. “Let me be excited about it.”

“…Fine. But I really do need to go home now.”

“Okay.” Hinata was still smiling. They tiptoed down the stars together, trying to be quiet in hopes of not waking anyone that wasn’t already. At the front door, Hinata closed it behind him, stepping out onto the porch to see Kageyama off.

“See you tomorrow,” he said, biting his lip.

Kageyama nodded. “Yeah, uh…see you.”

He’d just started to turn around when there was a tug on his arm, and when he turned around, Hinata was stretching on his tiptoes to press his lips against his, light and quick, too quick, before pulling back and nearly whispering, “Goodnight, Kageyama.”

“’Night, Hinata,” he found himself whispering back. He was reluctant to walk away after that.

 

\--

 

The thing about dating Hinata, Kageyama found, was that nothing really _changed_.

They sat together at lunch, annoyed each other in Algebra, walked as far as they could to each other’s classes, hung out after school on days where practice didn’t run late, played volleyball in the park until the sun went down on Sundays, and texted until odd hours of the morning. They bickered and called each other “Bakageyama” and “dumbass” and stole answers from each other for their math homework, and that was the thing: _nothing really changed._

It…was a good kind of not-change, if Kageyama were to be honest, although the lack of such only made him suspect that meant he wasn’t nearly as quiet about him liking Hinata as he’d originally thought he was. He was scared, at first, that them being boyfriends (the word still felt foreign) would change something, shift something, mess up their dynamic that he’d grown to like and be comfortable in, so it was a relief that nearly everything stayed the same.

The things that _didn’t_ stay the same, well—he wasn’t going to complain about those. Almost every form of affection that didn’t involve yelling and shoving each other into lockers on accident was kept to times outside of school, when they were in Hinata’s room or on Kageyama’s front porch or in the field behind the park or on their way to get meat buns together; a quick peck on the cheek that left both of them blushing still, hands held when their arms brushed together one too many times, a thumping in Kageyama’s chest when he realized that Hinata was thinking about him. He’d gotten pretty used to Hinata radiating love, or liking, or whatever it was supposed to be called—and he liked it, mostly, because it was undeniable proof that he wasn’t fooling himself into thinking Hinata liked him, and because it was one of the few emotions that he’d found himself enjoying being able to feel.

Everything was warm when Hinata was like that, all red and pink and full, full of emotion like he would explode if he didn’t get it out (those were the days where Hinata would kiss him quickly the moment they were alone, with little regard to privacy besides a general “Well, we aren’t at school.”) and it was a steady change from the overwhelming hatred or indifference he so often felt. He was so _tired_ of feeling that.

It often took him by surprise when he thought about how greatly things had changed since the first time they’d interacted, nearly six months ago and feeling like forever. The school year would be ending soon, and Hinata, taking advantage of the fact that he no longer had anything to hide, often invited Kageyama to watch their matches or practices. Sometimes Kageyama would pop by during the end of a game, just to appease Hinata and maybe a little to appease himself, but it would start hurting around the second match, and he never stayed longer than that. If Hinata was upset about this fact, he never said anything, although Kageyama apologized anyway.

(He’d received that head tilt and a genuinely confused expression, face so clearly honest to his emotions the way that only Hinata could be, and when he asked why he was apologizing, Kageyama couldn’t concentrate on the conversation at hand because he was too busy staring at pink lips.)

(They continued the conversation later.)

The rest of the Karasuno team seemed to like Kageyama, minus Tsukishima, if the way they acted upon catching wind of their developed relationship was any indicator. Suga kept doing that thing where he smiled like he knew something Kageyama didn’t, but he didn’t ask about it if it was something to be worried about. Noya was all hyperactivity, clearly happy for Hinata and him, and Tanaka made quite a few remarks about them that was both indicator of his approval and blessing, as well as an annoyance. The fact that it was embarrassing had nothing to do with it, nope.

It was one night where Hinata had been over at Kageyama’s place when Kageyama’s mother finally found out. They hadn’t exactly been keeping it a secret, as it had only been a couple of weeks and yet nearly everyone knew, but he’d just neglected to bring the topic up, partially from being too distracted to think of much else and partially from knowing she’d raise an eyebrow and give him one of her looks like _I told you so._ But Hinata was right in saying that she would find out sooner or later.

“Kageyamaaaa,” Hinata had whined, flopping over the side of the bed so his upper body, free of his binder, was leaning off the side. His hair was an inch from touching the floor. “This is getting boring.”

“You’ve not been doing anything,” Kageyama had said, giving him a pointed look as he turned his eyes away from the laptop in front of him. He’d been attempting to get an essay he had due written and over with, but with the temptation of other things that came with the territory of wifi, he hadn’t gotten much accomplished, and the redhead knew that.

“Let’s do something _not_ boring then,” he said like it was the most obvious solution in the world, kicking his feet in the air and letting his arms hang over and skim the hardwood floor.

“Unless you have something specific in mind, then I don’t know what you want me to do,” Kageyama mumbled.

Hinata grinned, looking odd from the way he was lying, and wiggled his eyebrows.

Kageyama’s cheeks heated up. “ _No,_ ” he said firmly. “My mom is home! She could walk in any second!”

“I thought you said you weren’t trying to hide it from her.”

“Well, I mean—“ Kageyama fumbled for an explanation. There wasn’t any good way to tell his boyfriend _I’m avoiding her finding out because I’ll feel like I lost_. “I’m not hiding it from her, I just don’t want her to find out from…walking in on us,” he finally settled on saying, not really a lie but not really the truth either.

“She’s not gonna walk in on us, doofus. You’re just being paranoid as usual.” Hinata stuck his tongue out at him.

“I am not.” Kageyama frowned.

“Nah, you totally are.”

“I’m _not_ paranoid, I just don’t…she’s home right now, and…”

Hinata raised an eyebrow at him.

“…I’m just. Cautious. Not paranoid. Stop looking at me like that, Jesus fucking Christ!”

His boyfriend snickered before pulling himself upright on the bed and turning around to face him again. “C’mere.”

“Why—“

“C’mon, Bakageyama,” he pouted. “If you just don’t wanna make out, that’s fine and whatever, but…”

“It’s not…that,” he mumbled, then sighed slightly louder, sounding more reluctant than he felt. “Fine, whatever, but I’m not moving, so you’re gonna come down here if anything.”

Hinata perked up and all but hopped off the bed, plopping himself down in front of the other boy and looking triumphant. Kageyama set his laptop aside but before he could move in to kiss him, he was moving to sit in his lap, curled up like some kind of asshole cat.

“What are you…?”

“This is more comfortable,” he supplied, looking pleased with himself.

Kageyama scowled. “You’re so stupid.”

“Nothing stupid about being comfortable.”

“Ugh.”

Before he could complain anymore, there were lips on his and hands on his shoulders, tugging him down the way he so often had to do with Hinata, and any more grievances left his mind completely.

“Boys, what would you like for—“

They immediately jumped away from each other as best as they could with Hinata still in his lap, and although Kageyama doubted his mom had seen any actually making out going on, it was pretty obvious from the way they looked and felt what they had been doing. She blinked twice before letting a small grin show.

“Good job knocking,” Kageyama mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Tobio, I’ll try harder next time.” She was still grinning.

“Hi, Mrs. Kageyama,” Hinata said, sounding more put together than he looked.

“Hello, Sho-chan. I just came to ask what you two would like for dinner.”

“Anything is fine,” her son said grudgingly, feeling her smugness. There was no way she didn’t know.

“Alright, well, I’ll call you down in about thirty minutes then,” she said, the obvious warning there, and although Kageyama wasn’t the happiest camper at the moment, somewhere in the back of his mind he still appreciated her efforts to embarrass them at least a little bit less. She closed the door behind her on the way out.

“Kill me,” Kageyama groaned. His boyfriend laughed a little, although he seemed a bit pink faced himself.

“Sorry,” he said, sounding genuine as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t realize she would actually…”

“No shit.” He buried his face in his hands.

Dinner was awkward, if only because she kept trying to skirt around the topic, sending them both meaningful looks while still looking apologetic. Hinata continued conversation as normally as possible, something Kageyama was grateful for, since he wasn’t able to say nearly anything without wanting to immediately punch himself in the face afterwards.

They were almost done eating when she smiled gently at Kageyama, radiating something like apologetic curiosity as she started, “So…are you two—“

“Yes!” Kageyama snapped, exasperated. “Jesus _Christ_ , Mom, for the love of god, yes! We’re dating!”

She pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile. “I was just going to ask if you two were done with your project for school, but that’s nice to know too, To-chan.”

He had never been mortified in his life, and the snickering next to him did nothing to help. He flailed his foot around under the table blindly before hearing a hissed, “ _Ow,_ asshole, that hurt!” from Hinata.

When dinner was over and he was rushing to retreat to his room, hoping to avoid any confrontation, there came a complacent, “To-chan, can you come in here for a second?” from the kitchen. He told Hinata to go on ahead before making his way to his impending doom.

His mother was at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes and putting them in the washer when she asked, “Could you help me for a moment?”

Kageyama did so without saying anything. They worked in silence for most of the time, and right as he was starting to hope he could escape his fate with little to none casualties, she finally said, “Sho-chan was in a good mood tonight.”

He stiffened. “Hinata’s always in a good mood. He’s naturally optimistic like that.”

“No, I know,” she said. “I was just trying to start conversation. It seems you told him, then?”

“…Kind of,” Kageyama mumbled, handing her a plate to put in the washer.

“And he likes you back.”

“I mean.” He washed out a glass. “We’re dating. So yeah.”

“Well,” she said, mood shifting to more serious as she dried off her hands with a dishtowel and turned to him. “I just want you to know that I’m happy.”

“Happy?”

She smiled. “For you two. Although I guess you already knew that—but I didn’t want you to think it was just me being smug. I really am happy that things worked out. Hinata likes you a lot. I’m glad he makes you happy.”

“…Yeah.” He looked away. “I am too.”

“I can finish the rest by myself,” she said. “Now go on, Sho-chan’s all by himself with nothing to do, and you still have an essay to write, don’t you?”

“Yeah, whatever,” he griped, looking away and beginning to make his way upstairs. He was at the first step when he turned back to her. “Mom?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome, Tobio.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rlly like kags having a supportive mom t b h like thats important to me
> 
> also theyre rlly gay? and i luv them?? and im bad at time jumps??? yep


	15. the tighter you hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata found out on accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS MY CHILDREN. HERE IT IS. LAST CHAPTER (MMMInus all the bonus oneshots im gonna write lMAo)

When Kageyama first brought it up with his mom, they were having dinner, two or some weeks after he had told her about him and Hinata. She was half eating, half tapping away on her phone, something or another to do with work.

When Kageyama mentioned it, she looked up from her typing, staring at him for a long moment to gauge his emotions before setting her phone down and crossing her arms on the table.

“Why do you ask?” she started, voice level.

Kageyama picked at his food. He shrugged. “Just wondering, I guess. Hinata brought it up.”

“Well…” she was trying to find the best way to go about the conversation, Kageyama could tell. She had the sense about her like she was treading on thin ice. “Why did Sho-chan ask?”

“I don’t know.”

She raised an eyebrow. “He didn’t say anything about why?”

“No.”

“Hmm.” She glanced at her phone but didn’t pick it up again. “I guess…to answer your question…yes? I’ve never been good at it myself, but it’s possible, to an extent.”

“’To an extent’?” Kageyama frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s _possible,_ but it’s difficult, and it takes a lot of mental and physical effort. It’d hurt a lot, and you probably could only do it for short periods of time for a while…”

“But it _is_ possible.”

She nodded in confirmation. “It is.”

Kageyama didn’t know what else to do except nod back. “Okay. Thanks.”

He stood up, grabbing his plate and setting it in the sink. He was already at the staircase when she called, “Tobio?”

He turned around to signify he was listening.

“This isn’t about…” she looked down. “This isn’t about volleyball, is it?”

Kageyama felt himself swallow subconsciously. He knew she could tell he was lying when he said, “No, of course not,” but he still said it anyway.

“If it is, then—“

“It’s not, Mom. I’m fine. Hinata just wanted to know, and I didn’t know what to tell him, so he asked me to ask you.” He was rambling.

She nodded slowly. “Alright, if that’s all it is, then…Okay. I love you, Tobio.”

“Yeah, love you too. I’m going to do homework.”

 

\--

 

He didn’t do homework.

 

**To:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:**.

 

            I asked her about it.

 

**From:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: .

 

            rlly??? whatd she say???

 

**To:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: .

 

            She said I can.

 

**From:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: .

 

            w8 rlly??! awesome!!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: .

 

            I guess. But she made it sound like it was almost impossible.

 

**From:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: .

 

            wht do u mean??

 

**To:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: .

 

            She said that its really difficult & that you cant do it for long so I don’t think it’d be very likely that I could do it…

 

**From:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: .

 

           awwww :’( well that sux!!!

 

**To:** Dumbass (<3)

**Sub:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: .

 

            Yeah.

 

 

They talked for a while after that, straying from the conversation previously at hand. Hinata seemed to forget about it, but Kageyama couldn’t be sure, as they weren’t together; that was the one unfortunate thing about contact via phones. Still, Hinata seemed to drop it awfully quickly for someone who had previously been _so_ excited about the idea.

Kageyama’s mother didn’t bring the topic up for a while after that encounter, but Kageyama doubted it was because she’d forgotten about the conversation. If anything, she was purposefully neglecting to phrase her worries or fears or whatever because she didn’t want to upset her son. Volleyball was a touchy subject—at least she seemed to think it was—so she probably thought it unwise to prod something like that with a ten-foot pole. Kageyama wasn’t going to complain if she had decided to ignore it.

And, even odder than him not talking about it, Hinata seemed to completely scratch the idea. Every now and then, if they were in a crowded area, he would ask Kageyama if he could tell what he was thinking, if he could try focusing on him, but outside of that he said nothing; the one time he did, it was a half-hearted joke about how _that_ certainly couldn’t work. Kageyama had to purposefully bring the topic up, awkwardly fumbling for a way to talk about it that didn’t make it sound like he was too invested in the idea.

He had to admit that it seemed appealing and, if it had the potential to work, he would go along with it, but on the high chance that it didn’t, he didn’t want to get his hopes up or make it a bigger deal than it was. He’d dealt with it for fifteen years now; he knew how to handle himself. It wasn’t a big deal if _one_ far-fetched thing didn’t work out.

Still, despite this knowledge, it didn’t stop him from trying it on his own without Hinata asking. He tried choosing one person some of the time—a teacher during a particularly large class or a kid with too bright shoes in a crowded hallway—but it seemed more difficult when he had no attachment to the person. Using it with Hinata was easy compared to with others, and while people like Yamaguchi or Suga weren’t too difficult, it still wasn’t as…satisfactory, almost, as when it was with Hinata.

(The thought made him weirdly red-faced, like there was anything to be embarrassed about in the first place. They were _dating_ for god’s sake, it wasn’t weird to think things like that…probably.)

School wasn’t that difficult. Classes were thirty people at most, but they weren’t usually all-over-the-place as far as emotions went (although exam week was another story), so it wasn’t all that hard to focus on the kids next to him or the teacher. If it was Algebra, it was already Hinata that occupied 90% of his brain space anyway, so it wasn’t much of a leap to begin with.

The teacher had stopped trying to separate them after twenty or so near-daily attempts, evaded expertly by Hinata of course, so they ended up with Hinata in the chair in front of him as usual. They weren’t public about affection or anything, but there was something about the way that Hinata occasionally turned around to scribble almost unintelligible notes on his paper or tried to play footsies with him without the teacher noticing that made his chest feel uncharacteristically warm and his cheeks pink.

It was little things like that that Hinata did that Kageyama loved; holding hands on the way home from playing at the park or throwing insults at each other that were just a little bit too soft around the edges to translate to anything _not_ sappy as all hell. Not that he’d ever admit it, but Kageyama liked those things almost more than anything else they did; kissing and whatever was nice, and he wasn’t exactly going to turn that down, but there was a sort of appeal to the small things that he couldn’t find in anything else.

Neither of them was particularly big on anything outside of cavity-inducing kisses or good night texts at three in the morning when the other couldn’t sleep, but that didn’t mean they didn’t still have their moments. And while Kageyama knew they probably needed to talk about boundaries and all those fun things that came with teenage hormones and relationships, he couldn’t bring himself to initiate the dialogue, nervous if anything that Hinata would…

Well, he didn’t really know what he was nervous would happen if he brought it up, except that he was nervous _something_ would happen. Hinata didn’t talk about the logistics of him being trans; in fact, after the night he told Kageyama, the only indication if it ever happening at all was that he didn’t wear his binder when it was just the two of them anymore like he used to (although this was also the product of Kageyana’s insistent nagging: “I can feel your back hurting, stupid, and you’ve worn it enough today already; isn’t it nine hours at max?” “Pfft, have you been doing research, Bakageyama?” “What? No. What gave you that idea? No.” “You totally did, oh my god.” “…Shut up.” “Don’t be so offended! It’s cute!”). Outside of that, it was like before, and Kageyama couldn’t tell if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to be alone at Hinata’s house on the weekends, as his parents seemed to go out pretty often and Natsu was usually taken to a day care, and they mostly laid around in his living room and played video games, Hinata with his feet in Kageyama’s lap (“To make up for all the times you sacrificed before,” he had said. Kageyama’s face had immediately turned red, and he spluttered, “That was _once_!” but the response only helped to make Hinata snort in laughter).

Sitting like that in the living room with an open foyer for Hinata’s parents to walk in any moment was a bit nerve-wracking for Kageyama, as they’d already been walked in on once before and he wasn’t keen to a repeat. Hinata had reassured him that it wasn’t the same as with Kageyama’s mom, because they could hear them driving up, so it wasn’t difficult to be careful.

More often than not, they would play video games for a while, or watch a volleyball match on TV, or do something generally lazy like that, before Hinata would curl in his lap with his head on Kageyama’s chest and press soft kisses to his neck. When Kageyama asked why he liked doing that so much, his boyfriend had shrugged nonchalantly, saying something about liking the closeness of it.

“That was something I thought about a lot before,” he admitted with a self-conscious grin.

“You thought about…cuddling? A lot?”

Hinata frowned defensively. “You put it like that and it sounds like a bad thing, geez! Sorry for trying to be sappy for once!” He huffed, but Kageyama only found embarrassment behind it. He pressed a kiss to Hinata’s cheek in apology.

“We should probably leave the gross stuff to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima,” he said thoughtfully.

Hinata snorted. “ _Man_ , they’re so gross! Kinda sweet, I guess? But they’ve got enough lovey-dovey shit to cover us for, like, ever.”

“I still don’t get why Yamaguchi would date that bastard,” Kageyama mumbled.

“Mm,” the redhead hummed. “People ask me that about you sometimes.”

“Hey!”

He snickered, raising his hands in defense. “Kidding, kidding! Everyone thinks we’re great and it’s gross.”

“…”

Hinata raised an eyebrow at the taller’s silence. “Did you get offended by that?”

“…No.”

It was a bad lie. Hinata giggled and pecked his lips. “You’re gross.”

“You’re grosser.” Contradictory to his words, Kageyama leaned in in anticipation of kissing him again, their faces so close he could count the freckles lining his boyfriend’s cheeks.

“Nuh-uh.”

“Uh-huh.”

“ _You’re_ grosser, Bakageyama,” he said, wrinkling his nose even as he smiled, dimples prominent. “The grossest.”

As exciting as the debate may have been, Kageyama felt much more up to kissing him, so he did. Hinata laughed into it, finding the response funnier than anything, before faux-reluctantly returning it, wrapping his arms around Kageyama’s neck to pull him closer, hands going to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

It was messy, as it usually was, because they both weren’t very good kissers. They were still awkward in their movements, and Hinata still used too much teeth if he wasn’t careful, but the way Hinata sighed and tilted his head experimentally, shifting in his spot so he was nearly straddling Kageyama’s thighs, sent a heat to his stomach that had him pulling back to press his head into the redhead’s shoulder.

Hinata ran his fingers through the other’s hair softly, humming something to himself while they both caught their breath. When Kageyama pulled away, Hinata stopped humming and raised an eyebrow in question.

“I, um,” Kageyama started. “We…”

“What about us?” His hands were still running through Kageyama’s hair, surprisingly distracting and unsurprisingly soothing.

“We, um…” he licked his lips. “We haven’t really talked about…boundaries, I guess.”

Hinata’s hands faltered, but he didn’t remove them. He frowned a little, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “Oh. We haven’t.”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” he started, pulling his hands back finally, only to clap them together in enthusiasm that Kageyama knew for a fact he wasn’t feeling, “what boundaries do you wanna set?”

“I dunno. Just. What you’re okay with?”

“What about you?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really…think about it much? So I can just go along with you.”

Hinata frowned again. “Well that’s not fair.”

“…What?”

“I mean,” he had started using his hands to narrate his explanation again, “it’s not fair that we go by what _I’m_ okay with and not what _you’re_ also okay with, right? We can just agree on stuff, it’s not that big of deal.”

Kageyama blinked. “Okay.”

“So…” Hinata cleared his throat. “First thing: make outs?”

“Is what we’ve been doing not okay with you?”

“No, I mean—no, I like what we’ve been doing!” His face seemed pinker than normal. “I just…for future reference, no touching or anything around the, um,” he gestured vaguely to his chest, “ _this_ area, okay?”

Kageyama nodded, politely not looking at his chest. “That makes sense.”

“And as far as, like…” he scratched his cheek sheepishly, avoiding eye contact awkwardly. “Sexual stuff goes, I’m not too comfortable with things like that, because of…so…”

“Okay.”

Hinata blinked. “’Okay’?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not, like, upset that I don’t want to…?”

“No—I mean, I don’t care that much.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance even though the topic was making him uncomfortable if anything. Talking about sex with his boyfriend wasn’t his most enjoyed activity. “Not to say that I wouldn’t _want_ to do that—with you, I mean—because I would, not now, but, in the future—“

His fumbling was cut off by Hinata’s sudden laughter, loud and full and unabashed. Kageyama felt his face heat up even more, embarrassed that he’d said all that dumb shit and Hinata was _laughing_ at him, oh god, he sounded like an _idiot._

“What? What are you laughing at?” He snapped.

Hinata tried to answer, but it was lost between fits of giggles. It took him a moment, but once he’d calmed down enough to speak, he wiped a tear from his eye and set both hands on his boyfriend’s cheek so he had no choice but to look at those big, brown eyes, glinting with laughter still. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Dumbass! Did you want us to talk about that or not?!”

He snickered more. “Of course I do, stupid! And I appreciate what you said, it was just…really funny.” His words received a scowl, but he only grinned in answer.

When Hinata’s parents got home, they were pointedly sitting on opposite sides of the couch, watching a game that had been on before their conversation. Hinata told his parents they were going to play volleyball at the park, which translated to _we don’t feel like being around the family so we’re going to_ actually _play volleyball with maybe added hand-holding._

And if Kageyama still blushed when they held hands…well, Hinata didn’t comment on it.

 

\--

 

Hinata found out on accident.

The two of them had gone back to Kageyama’s house after volleyball practice with the intent of doing homework (read: dicking around for an hour before eating dinner and dicking around some more), except Kageyama had completely forgotten to clean his mess up from the previous night, so there it all way, papers splayed all out on his desk, disorderly and hopefully to be ignored, if he was lucky.

But Kageyama was, decidedly, _not_ lucky, because as soon as Hinata had thrown his backpack down, he noticed the bright yellow sheet shoved under a folder for history class the night before.

“What’s this?” He asked excitedly, interested piqued, and before Kageyama could tell him that that was a _horrible idea_ and he should _definitely not do that_ , he was already picking the sheet up and scanning it.

“Wait—!” Kageyama tried, but it was too late at that point.

Hinata turned around, mouth open in shock. “What…” he started, at loss for words. Kageyama looked away, embarrassed and disappointed that the surprise had been ruined.

“You…” Hinata tried again.

“Yeah,” his boyfriend answered with a frustrated sigh. “Yeah.”

“H-how long have you been thinking about this…?”

Rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously, the taller shrugged. “A couple of months, I guess. I know my mom said it was almost impossible, but I’ve been practicing it anyway, so that I could—“

He didn’t get to finish the sentence because next thing he knew, Hinata had thrown his arms around his neck, nearly pushing him into the door behind them and kissing him almost too harshly. Kageyama stumbled once, before he found his footing and responded to the kiss just as eagerly.

When they pulled away, Hinata pressed their foreheads together, breathing heavily with eyes a little too watery. “I can’t believe…”

“…Are you happy?”

Hinata stared at him for a moment before laughing breathily. “Of course I am! And aren’t you supposed to know that anyway?”

“Right now, you’re just a bundle of…emotions in general.”

Hinata laughed again, clear and pretty. “That’s accurate. But what about...with all the people...?"

"I've been practicing the focusing thing," he said. "I figured I could just focus on you and it would be okay, since I can do that in class and stuff...Is that okay?"

Hinata nodded, smiling widely. "It's great."

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Kageyama tried to explain awkwardly, “an early birthday present or something—“

“My birthday is in June!” Hinata laughed.

The taller flushed. “Well, _really_ early then, I don’t know!”

“Happy super early birthday to me, then,” Hinata said, smiling. His eyes were still a bit too wet. “I love it.”

Kageyama tried to say _me too,_ but then there were lips on his, and he suddenly felt like talking seemed a bit too strenuous.

 

\--

 

“Are you nervous?”

Kageyama scowled down at his boyfriend. “Of course not.”

“Hmm,” he hummed pensively. “Then why’re you holding the paper like that?”

Blinking, Kageyama uncurled his hand from where he had subconsciously clenched his fist, the paper crinkling in response. He tried to smooth it back out to no avail.

Hinata laughed from beside him, giving the hand in his a reassuring squeeze; despite his teasing, he was radiating nervousness himself, mixed in with excitement and an overabundance of happiness, as he often did.

“It’ll be fine,” he said encouragingly. “You sent it in, right?”

“Of course I did, dumbass, back when they were due!”

“I’m just checking,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t gotta get so defensive, Bakageyama.”

“I am _not—_ “

“Oh, look, we’re conveniently here already!” He interrupted him, tugging on the other’s arm.

Kageyama stopped where he was walking, staring at the door in front of him. Hinata stopped as well.

“Are you ready?” he asked, voice quiet.

Kageyama took a deep breath.

He nodded.

The doors opened.

 

\--

 

“My name’s Kageyama Tobio, and I’ll be joining your team. Please take care of me!”

 

\--

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im honestly so proud of myself i like how this fic turned out tbh ?? and im?? this is only the 2nd time ive ever finished a multichap fic and its just. im eMOTIONal. 
> 
> i luv u all so much and i rlly appreciate how much support and response ive gotten for this, espesh the overwhelmingly positive reaction i got to trans hinata. thats one of my fav headcanons ever but im always super hesitant abt putting that in kagehina fics explicitly bc im always scared ppl wont like it for that so the positivity i received is SO greatly appreciated
> 
> also ur ?? all beautiful lovely awesome peeps?? and im so thankful for anyone who has supported this fic and kept w/ it even tho it was directionless up until 3 chapters ago???? ahhhh im not crying ur crying
> 
> i hope u all enjoyed this fic and will continue to read stuff i post in the future ＼(*T▽T*)／ look out for oneshots!!!!


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